I was thinking about how I write these blog posts. A barrier for me is what to say because of the audience. I feel like I’m writing this for someone else to read. It really fucks with what I want to say and how I say it. I feel like once you have shit to lose, you are a lot more careful with your words. Reading back on my old posts, I clearly had nothing to lose.

I was fired from two jobs and a few relationships for this blog, so obviously we don’t want history repeating itself.

I solved the issue by keeping a personal journal and then this site for more watered-down thoughts. Remember that time I photoshopped my head on MLK’s body as he waved to the crowd at the Washington Monument or pool, whatever. No way that could be taken in a negative way.

I was thinking about this too—growing up in the ’90s and early 2000s, I was right before the whole social media boom. MySpace was still a thing when I was doing this, and I think Facebook had just come out. Tumblr was around too. I think I missed a lot of what came after.

Kids these days, or people younger than me, have their entire self-worth tied into social media—being accepted by a community and being liked. Instead of your “community” being, what, like 50 people you actually know growing up—those 50 people judging you, liking you, giving you praise on a vague, inconsistent basis—now you have the entire fucking planet doing it.

That’s where you get girls posting pictures of their tits online, getting any kind of attention, positive or negative—they don’t give a fuck. I think when you grow up in that kind of environment, the type of attention doesn’t really matter. It’s just that you’re getting attention.

For women, I think it’s easier when you’re young—you have something people want. You have your looks, your body, so that’s what you go for first. Even dudes—it’s like, how ripped can I get at the gym and show that off. It’s all pretty low effort. You’re doing the easy thing. It’s not about having original thoughts—it’s more like, “Hey, I have a body. People like looking at bodies, so I’ll show it.” Easy slop.

But I digress on how much social media sucks.

I was thinking about if I’d been born like 10 years later—how fucked that would’ve been with all the stuff I posted on this site and elsewhere. Some of that, if it were done today, probably could’ve blown up and ruined my life.

So I’m actually really thankful I was born when I was. When I was growing up and building this site, people actually had their own websites. It was like—how cool can you make your CSS, HTML, PHP site? How much better can you make it than someone else? Before all that faded and everything turned into the gram and social media.

I’m honestly glad for that, especially with my personality. A lot of people I knew—especially younger dudes—were just angry. And that anger comes out in different ways. In a more “cancelable” society, it’s tough to put yourself out there when you don’t know any better. I didn’t know any better. I’ve read some of my old posts and thought, “I can’t believe you said that. I can’t believe you did that.”

I think we all kind of sign a social contract at some point, but when you’re a kid, you just don’t know any better.

So yeah. Glad I wasn’t born later.

25 years of nothing. I can’t believe we made it 25 years together. Actually, this site has been dead for more than a decade.

I wish I had a really romantic way to say some huge thing happened in my life and I wanted to come back and write and have this be my outlet—something I’ve been wanting to do forever. In reality, my host just hit me with the yearly bill like, “Here you go, pay for it.” And I was like… you know what, we all have AI now. This site was made with AI. The header image is AI slop. All I have to do is talk into a prompt and make a site, so let’s go.

But I digress. I’ve thought about this a few times—my “welcome back,” I guess, that nobody’s going to read.

I remember sitting in that chair in Sarah’s house in 2021—I think it was October—when I bought this site on her computer because I don’t think I had internet at my place. I’ve owned the domain since then. All the old designs were lost a couple years ago, which was sad for nostalgia, but I don’t really care that much. I just stopped paying the bill and they deleted everything. So like 16 years of stuff, gone. I had to crawl some files back from the Wayback Machine to get it working again.

I still have all my old posts. I read them a couple years ago—not recently. They’re a bunch of angsty, hyperbolic stuff, honestly. Nothing really interesting, aside from the undertone that I was a very angry person. I still am, I think—actually, I am. I just control it a lot better now, so people don’t hate me. I guess the ultimate teacher is pain. Learned some hard lessons there. But I can manage it better now—hold down a job and a new relationship—so that’s all working out.

The plans for this site… I don’t know. Honestly, I have zero plans. I’m just going to sit here and talk about stuff. Nobody’s going to read it, and if they do, whatever. I don’t give a fuck. I’m not doing this to be popular or get social media likes. I don’t really care.

Anyway, I’m back. I’m probably not going to post any of the old content since I don’t want any of it held against me. The old pictures—I don’t know if they’re necessary. I kind of like the very bare-bones site, so I think I’m going to keep it. We’ll see where this goes—maybe it changes, maybe it doesn’t.

That’s it for now, friends. Fuck off.

Fuck.

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A thing happened and I wrote about it. Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit. Curabitur non nulla sit amet nisl tempus convallis quis ac lectus.