Such great heights.

So much for keeping this site active? This is my longest downtime ever. I very much apologize. Final Fantasy is taking up most of my time. I will give a quick review of the past months events.

My neighbor is going on 350 years old, and it seems he hit the bumper of my car. I confronted him and he didn't know where I came from or who I was even after I explained it five times to him. I am getting a police report and an estimate for repairs soon. This just furthers my past proclamations that old people suck.

I am a level 45 Ninja / 22 Warrior in Final Fantasy XI. I have had about three weeks off from school and I've been playing happily nonstop. Life is awesome when you literally have nothing better to do than play video games all day.

Len had a party two weeks ago. I got really drunk off vodka. The best part was when one of my ex-girlfriends showed up. I didn't even remember who she was at first. Len thought I was a fucking god because I had all these chicks I dated and can't remember what they looked like. She got really fat. AND I HATE FAT PEOPLE!

My brother got appendicitis on Christmas day! His timing was absolutely stunning. When I went to see him in the hospital, Katie was there. If you flip back a few posts, you will see how I totally and completely belittled her in the worse way possible. She didn't even look in my eyes once in the hour I was there. Win.

I got my grades back from this semester. I got a 3.00 GPA, which is a solid B average and exactly what I was aiming for. I am not an idealistic over achiever, therefore I don't care if I get A's. Your GPA doesn't reflect on your self worth. Yiff.

I've been having tons of sex and it's awesome!

I will write meaningful and thought provoking articles from now on. I doubt anyone gives a fuck about my life. Hell, I don't give a fuck about my life. Self deprecation is rad.

All will fade away

I have been putting off updating the site because I have been busy playing FFXI. I also can't really be bothered. I have almost have 7 days logged in. I am a level 22 Warrior/ 8 Monk. Here are some awesome and yet random pictures.

1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5

It seems crazy that it is officially the Christmas season already. I used to get excited over it, but now, it seems just to be a meaningless holiday. I know I have said this before, but it seems it needs to be repeated. You are not the gifts you give people. You are not the money you spend on other people. More expensive gifts do not equal more love. The holiday season is really just a way for companies to become richer and make up for the less than stellar summer/fall sales.

It really sucks having such a negative outlook on life. But hey, what can you do?

Ow, my cornea!

Nothing much to report as of late. I have been playing Final Fantasy XI constantly. It is super awesome fun!

I had eye surgery a few days ago. This was the second time I had to have the ‘thingy' drained from my eye lid. To describe it more accurately, it is a pimple like growth on the inside of an eyelid. Normally, you can hot pack it and hope for the best. Other than that, the only way to get rid of them is to have them drained.

They give you Novocain; three or four needles in the eye lid and surrounding area numb you. After about 30 seconds, you can't tell if your eye lids are open or closed. Next, they tilt you back and shine a really bright light in your face. They clamp the eyelid and flip it open. With some sort of pointy metal object, they poke a hole in the ‘thing' and take another metal object to push it around and collect the puss like material.

That's about it on how it is done. Toward the end, I almost passed out. This was due to the stress of having sharp metal objects 5 millimeters away from my cornea.

There is a new Elucid design thanks to Spectre1337. Check it out Here.

Final Fantasy XI - A Short Review

I'd like to start out by saying that I have never played a MMRPG before. I have heard the horror story associated with Ever Quest and the lives it's ruined. All I can say now is all of that is true.

I purchased FFXI last Wednesday. The game is five CDs and takes up five gigs of hard drive space. Installing the game was the funniest install experience I have ever had. The game itself took 1.5 hours to install. Once the game is fired up, the online patching and installing took 1.5 hours. This brought to a grand total of three hours install time. Quite a lot, I'd say. If you are sporting a 64 Megs video card, please forget about even remotely playing this game. You will be in compressed polygonal hell.

The game it self is based in a world where three kingdoms have banded together to fight an evil sorcerer that has made an army of big scary things that try to take over the world. At this time, that is all I know of the plot of the game.

The game starts out by letting you choose what kingdom you want to start out in. After you lock and load a character you are thrown into a city that literally takes ten minutes to run to the other side of. You aren't given to information on what to do, or where the game is headed. You are forced to ask one of the hundreds of people roaming around the city what the bloody hell is going on.

After awhile, you find that the game sort of mirrors any normal FF game. You have to complete quests and missions to gain regional respect points and the moneys. You have to venture outside of the castle walls to fight random baddies as they try to cast spells on you and hack you to death.

The graphics are quite amazing. For $54, the graphics better be fucking amazing. I have clocked 22 hours in the game so far and I love every second of it. The game also mirrors the FFT style. There are a ton of classes you can be -- Red Mage, Black Mage, White Mage, Ninja, Dragoon, Warrior, Dark Knight, etc. All with wicked abilities and skills.

I give this game a solid 10. If you love the FF series, check this out. I always hated MMRPGs until I played this game. Hopefully you will feel the same way.

Let's go hit the bars!

I had another run-in with my ex-girlfriend a few days ago. I have come to the conclusion that she is either mentally disturbed or infatuated with me and my life. Why do I care you say? I don't, I just have nothing better to do than argue with her. Here are a few excerpts from the conversation. I will post them, mock them, and we will all have a good laugh at her expense.

Bonnie (9:34:18 AM): Your life sucks, your house sucks, your family has hated you since you were 5, and you can't have any meaningful relationships except with a girl you dominate who is 2 years younger, and who hasn't REALLY been with anyone else so she doesn't know how to live without you.
Matt (9:34:25 AM): I'm sure it does
Matt (9:34:30 AM): you don't know my life
Bonnie (9:34:38 AM): I do know your life
Matt (9:34:44 AM): I don't dominate anything
Matt (9:34:52 AM): except the logic in this conversation

Shit yeah, my bitch better fucking step in line before I pimp slap that cunt right into the kitchen so she can make me a sandwich. You are right, age means so much. A 21 year old dating a 19 year old? What kind of sick demented son of a bitch am I? Christ, I could go to prison and get ass raped by your dad for that one. Remember, your dad is an incarcerated drunk. He is more than likely getting anally raped four times a week from his master pimp ‘Johnny C'. Don't talk about my life. You live in a goddamn mobile home. I could drive my fucking car to your house tonight, hook it to my trailer hitch and drive you into a river. That would be ideal because your little sausage legs would cause you to drown.

Bonnie (9:31:57 AM): Call me when you grow up.
Matt (9:32:01 AM): what are you five years old?
Bonnie (9:32:02 AM): You know my #

I don't know it. I haven't called you in 3 years. Do you think I have it lying around? If I did, I'd make sure my cat shit on it then set it on fire.

Bonnie (9:31:21 AM): I'm completely different since I've been with Chad
Bonnie (9:31:24 AM): he makes me a better person
Bonnie (9:31:27 AM): You always brought me down.
Matt (9:31:28 AM): OK
Matt (9:31:35 AM): He is your personal pocket Jesus?

Dude, did you hear Chad cured cancer? I can't believe it, all these years I've been an atheist with nothing to live for, now I realize that Chad is my savior! I was once lost, but now I am found. I heard, that when he shits, gold bars come out! When we pisses, it is liquid gold! No wonder she got into golden showers. Zinggg.

Bonnie (9:19:10 AM): You have a million times to be an ass

Do you have any like at all?!? You smartest girl ever see! I see why you better me. I slow, you are the smart person ever!

Matt (9:12:22 AM): why do you care where I am
Matt (9:12:29 AM): or what happens to me?
Bonnie (9:12:53 AM): I'm just curious
Matt (9:13:06 AM): well stop being curious

Matt has a good point here. Why can you not go away? After the years of mental abuse, why do you come back for more? I think there is a part of you that is bored with your new ‘perfect' life. You need something that is exciting. Since the entire universe revolves around me, what could be more entertaining than conversing with me?


No matter how many times I burn that bridge, the damn French keep building it back.

Fighting evil with evil!

Speech class is annoying. I can see why it could be important. I blow it off, but it is extremely more complicated than one might think. Preparing a speech is one thing. Going up in front of 30 people and delivering it with flawless diction and presentation is extremely difficult.

Recently, in class, we have been presenting our speech about a special turning moment in our lives. This was mildly difficult. It's hard to pick one exact moment where I encountered an uninterruptible epiphany. Digressing back to my point of suicide, today one of the attractive females in the class got up in front of the class and I never have been more confused and enraged at the same time before.

She looked a bit uneasy when she got up there. She got the chair and sat down. Immediately she started crying. With some type of empty emotional encouragement, the teacher told her just to do her best and that she was doing her best. The rest of the speech was muffed by tears and blank stares. The sum of the speech was: her boyfriend's mom was a great person. One day, she went missing and later that day they found her at the summer camp unconscious due to some type of attempted suicide. That's sad, I felt for her. The thing that got me though, at the end of the speech, she said that her boyfriend's mother had a loving husband, two sons and a little girl home. That deeply upset me.

How could someone give up everything like that? She more than likely tried because of stress in her life or something completely inconsequential like that. In her mind, maybe she thought by killing herself everything would be easier? What a fucking coward. I feel no sympathy for selfish twats like that. She'd rather give up on this life, and destroy the lives of everyone she knew, just for a short act of self-loathing. She didn't understand, when you commit suicide, the rest of your families and friends' lives are spent saying ‘What if I did this differently', ‘ I shouldn't have done this' and other what ifs along those lines. When some fucked up cunt of a whore would want to put countless others through lifelong pain and regret because she is too weak to face her demons, it makes me sick. I can see all these attention-grabbing, suicidal wanna-be teens pulling this shit, but to see a 40 some odd year old woman doing it; it just upsets me. I've never gone through this myself, but I can completely sympathize and understand how people feel in this situation.

The only way isn't the wrong way.

Adventures into nothing

I hate Spanish class. It's just another needless requirement for me to get that all important BS degree. As if one 50 minute Spanish class wasn't enough, I got signed up for a Spanish lab. It's only one credit, and only one day a week for one hour. I went into it open-minded. It more seemed like another wasteful hour to me. That all just about changed when I stepped into the room. For once, my minds stereotypical schema of what Spanish teacher would be was incredibly wrong. There was this girl – she was about 19 or 20 years old, tall, beautiful green eyes – that welcomed me in the room.

At this point, Spanish was the very last thing on my mind. She was pretty, smart, funny, and made a great first impression. Red flag goes off in most people's minds at this point “Hey Matt, fuck, don't you have a girlfriend, you fucking male pig?” Of course I do, that's what makes everything a little more peculiar. My girlfriend tells me to go and pursue other girls. It's not what you think; she doesn't have some sort of self loathing, self destructive attitude where she wants to lose everything important to her. Worse than that, she knows I am too much of a pussy to even talk to another girl. It's funny right? I bet you wish you could find a mate like that.

I digress. Without really knowing her well, I went out on a limb and went to see her at her tutoring session. Honestly, I got an 88 on the last Spanish test, I had nothing to ask her about Spanish at all, and I just wanted to see if I could get to know her better. Needless to say that failed. There were a bunch of people around and I couldn't flirt with people literally four feet from me. Call it being self conscience or being a totally pussy, up to you.

Let's forward to the present tense – today. When I got to my class she said ‘hi'. I seriously doubt she even knows my name at all. There are two other guys in my class beside myself. Small class gives a better opportunity to converse with people without having the feeling (paranoia) that other people are judging you. Back to the story, we did a group activity and the other two guys paired up and she goes ‘Guess it's just you and me.' Oh goody good I thought, one on one time. God, this is getting long and boring, cut to the chase, she referenced having a boyfriend and my heart hit the window with unspeakable force.

It seems all the attractive girls have boyfriends. Why is this? My theory is that, the world revolves around me. I am so obviously the center of the universe, and as such, god likes to fuck my life over for entertainment. I could see why though, I'm just so super awesome that he feels threatened and has to smack me down a few pegs to build himself up. Fucking greedy, self absorbed bastard. My only reason for hot girls always having boyfriends is – if you are that hot every testosterone filled slag will be gunning for everything and anything relating to getting into your pants.

The way I see it, it's not like I even would want her for sex. Well, I do, but that would hold second stage to her being a trophy on my arm. Actually, it's not even that, I'm just lonely and like people to talk to.

I think simply having the dream is just as good as having the real thing.

Just

Seems my last article caused a bit of social unrest at ‘Camp Teen Angst'. They had to email my brother to make me stop saying all the meanie things about them :( Why not take it like a fucking man; you look enough like one, why not go all the way?

I digress; I finally got my AAS degree in the mail. I have to go out and buy a frame for it. This will give me another certificate to hammer into my wall right in between my ‘Degree in being Super Awesome' and ‘Hottest Guy on the Planet' award.

Tonight, I am going to go to the mall to pick up some much needed items. Such as batteries for my inflatable woman digital camera, deodorant, hair gel, and some gel pens.

Next post, I will shoot up (hah) some pictures. I haven't taken many pictures recently, but I am going to start again.

ENDURE ROCKS!

Hi Len!

I AM A NEW WOMAN!

Been awhile since I have written an editorial of this site, I feel that this one has been coming for awhile.

Have you ever ordered a pizza and it was just so tasty? After you eat three slices you feel like you just can't eat anymore? You feel as though you are empty without finishing it. Then after regurgitating the three slices you already ate, you finish the rest of the pizza except for the last slice. Then because the smell of your own vomit isn't appetizing, you throw the box with the last slice away. Now, say the next day you are walking to your car and you see a hobo eating the last slice and you become angry. This situation closely resembles my brother's relationship with his “ex” girlfriend. Not really, but it's funny.

I want to throw out some back ground in so you know why I think she is a waste of flesh. She is about 18. In those 18 years her parents have smothered her and controlled her life. She lived in the basement and they only let her up to go to school and pay doctor with her father. I think her father actually was nice enough to give her a bucket to go in.

So she got to college (dorm life) and is sporting the ‘OMG my parents aren't controlling all aspects of my life! IMMA GUNNA GO A CRAZY AND REBEL!' philosophy. The first week while still dating my brother, she found some guy named ‘The Chad' and was like ‘OMG U R A BOI LOL I HAVE A CRUSH ON YOU CAUSE YOU HAVE A MAN THING AND ARE JUST TRYING TO GET ME DRUNK AND SLEEP WITH ME!'

Of course, this little princess had the insanely bright idea of telling my brother that she needed to have someone there to give her attention. After much screaming, my brother asked what she would do if he came to visit her. Her reply “Well, I will kiss you both”. She scores ten big bonus points on the “Stupidest fucking thing you could say at the time” meter for that gem.

I would like to point you all to her awesome teenage angst filled livejournal page:

CLICK HERE CUNTS!

[EDIT] She deleted the news posts, so bare with me [/EDIT]

The Sunday, September 21st, 2003 is a prime example of the extraordinary mental capacity of this well put together individual. Let's break it down, shall we?

Only the first day of being new and you would have no idea how great I feel because of my new changes.

This is redundant in that, it repeats the same idea over and over to reiterate the point of being new and to prove by saying the same idea over and over again, she is being redundant in a redundant way to prove a point.

I find this absolutely amazing, why have I not seen this before? If I change my entire self image to something I'm not, people will fucking like me! To think all this time I've been staying true to who I really am has been in vane. God, I can't believe that it took this post to make me truly realize that being a wanna be poser is the new hip way to go.

Nikkie is the best, I swear to god. I woke her up this morning by me saying 'Nik, I need to change'. And she got up immediately and we went to Oneonta and helped me. And...well...I like this. A lot.

When I pasted this line into MS Word, it almost exploded. If anything, she is ace at taking a thought and turning it into an incoherent train wreck. I really want to insult her here, but I have no clue what to say. ‘Nik' is obviously this awesomely powerful omnipotent being, that has the power to completely change people's personality so they can fit in the crowd better. Nik can literally strip you of your self deprecating personality and give you a more socially acceptable one.

I liked the more empowered Friday, September 19th, 2003 post, “KATIE'S NOT TAKING ANY MORE SHIT FROM NO ONE.” Do you hear that cruel and unjust world!? Katie ain't gonna take yo shit no more! “Katie is a new woman!”

Seriously, I'm finished. I'm done being told what I'm going to do. I'm done having this broken heart that I've had for so long. So I'm making a new me. And no one can stop me. Not even you, Nick.

Dude, she is mad sick of the man holding her back! Damn the man for repressing her freedom for so long! Finally, this rebellious teen has seen past the oppression of her parents! There is nothing holding her back from becoming a whore and fucking every guy that comes along, just to prove to herself that no one (her father) controls her! I feel happy for her. She finally can taste the freedom that we all have had since the age of fourteen! Congrats to you, I hope your years of trying to prove you are free and independent from your fathers all encompassing grasp turns out well for you. I know how proving yourself to the people in your mind is always satisfying.

In conclusion, I know this essay turned from third person to second person to first person. That aside, you (second person directed at the subject) are a cunt. Can you even remotely fathom how utterly pathetic you sound? You are just another case of a teenage daughter that had an over bearing father and is now lashing out. You are not special. You are not different. You are nothing but a confused child trying to find your place in the world by becoming something you are not – a coherent respectable and stable human being. I (first person) actually pity you. You have years of awkwardness and self esteem issues in front of you. That is a lot to swallow (he said swallow) for a little scared girl.

Good luck in your ‘change', I warn you never to contact myself or anyone I know in the future. It will be to your benefit.

Oh yeah, I hope you choke.

Thanks again!

I am looking to get a car stereo system. I was in the past against spending my own money on such an update. Things change a bit then it's not your money. I have a guy pre-paying me some $1200 for a server. Now, the stereo system layout I came up with looks like this:

nothing audio

I went to a few places and got some quotes. Seems $1500 can get you quite a lot. The place where I got my car alarm at, said he couldn't do that design exactly, but could do something equally as cool. He is also throwing in a pair of Infinity door and back speakers. It comes with two 10 inch JBL subs and a 600/1 JBL amp. I also am getting the back lit up with red neons. This will look super awesome when they reverse the subs in the box.

Anyhow, I hope to start doing this next week.

School, I hate school. I would honestly consider dropping out if it weren't for all the hot chicks there. The only truly difficult class seems to be the Micro Computer Data Structure class. Assembly is shit. I don't understand why there isn't a non programming curriculum. Why does programming have to be inserted? I can totally understand C++ for a year, but why all these others? What can you do, if it wasn't for the insane amount of sex I have, I'd be the next son of Sam – if I worked for the postal service.

I went to Lark Fest yesterday. They block off a street and infected it with street venders and other scum bag pan handlers. It was the same as last year. All that was different was the street is newly paved. I saw one of my many ex best friends Vinny there. I avoided him and I don't think he saw me. Not that I am afraid of conflict, I just knew if he said hello to me I would do everything in my power to make sure he didn't walk again.

Yeah, and Sara looked fucking hot in that skirt :)

^_^

The first day of school is always fun.

My first class of the 2003-2004 school year was a required religion class. Once I entered the room, the first thing I saw was the teacher, an old man who was ranting about how when he was in college they didn't have pens or cell phones. Fucking old bag, all he did was complain. Then he went on to say that 40 years ago, college students knew 50,000 more words than college students today know. That was pretty amazing, but I think today's students have made up for the deficit. I mean, saying ‘fuck' pretty much evens that out. I can think of at least a few hundred instances where saying ‘fuck' is completely appropriate. Besides, who want to go around saying all these ‘big obscure' words that no one understands? It just makes you look fucking stupid.

Next class was Spanish 101. What a blow off this is going to be. I took Spanish for three years in high school and I still can remember most of it. The teacher went around the room, asking us all how much Spanish everyone knew, and this one kid's dad was from Cuba. He spoke Spanish better than I speak English. Pretty lame that he was in the class. I mean, the least he can do is fake it. Everyone is ugly in that class. Not like I can avoid them, the class room is the size of my hallway. There is a kid there named Jude. What the fuck kind of name for a guy is Jude?

Speech class is fun. There is about four guys and 20 girls. I'd say 10 of the girls in there are hot. Do you know how hard it is to speak in public? Let alone speaking with hot females in the room. My bonar didn't subside until I left the room. Not really, I'm not that much of a fucking wacko.

Then my Linux/PERL class is cool. I learned all about the ‘cd' and ‘ls' commands. I mean, I only use them literally 300 times a day. I know I need the practice! The teacher is a complete flamer. Not like a Richard Simmons type, more like that TLC designer show gay. He had a pink shirt on and described PERL as ‘Fast and Dirty'. I don't know what he was thinking about, but he better get his head out of his boyfriend's ass and stop making homosexual references. PERL doesn't deserve to be compared to two men pumping their fucking cocks in each other. Matt was displeased.

For some weird cosmic reason I am friends with Tal again. I know I completely went back on everything I said. I think it was out of anger and lack of anything really interesting to say. I said a lot of jerk ass things about him on my page and I just wanted to say most of them are true. Still, he is a decent guy and worthy of a second chance. I hired him for some tech support. This time, if anything goes wrong between us again, instead of just stop talking to him, I will break his legs.

Clubbed in the head.

I have been very busy recently getting PLANET GUNBOUND up and running. Transfering the sql database took about five hours. I was really getting pissed off, especially because I didn't eat till 7pm.

I was thinking about this – if I could do everything in my life over, what would I change. Now, a lot of stuff I am about to say, none of you will understand. Mostly because you don't know me well enough or what happened. At least two people will.

Now, I dated Bonnie for way too long. I agree she was a good first girlfriend, but aside from that, I could have found better companionship in a little lap dog. I started dating her in Sophomore year (highschool). In Senior year I dumped her and dated this girl named Katy. If you look in the past section of this site you can find a picture of her. She was really nice. She was a whore, but she was really nice. I mean, I could deal with a girl that is just as – if not more – horny than I am. I dated her for a week then dumped her the day after I slept with her. Ouch, I am an evil super villain! After that I got back together with Bonnie.

I met Sara a few months later and had my first date with her while I was dating Bonnie. It took another year after that for me to leave Bonne for Sara. Now, this is how I would have done it better:

Date Bonnie till I met Katy, throw Bonnie to the side where she belongs. I would then date Katy for a few months till I met Sara. Dump Katy and live ever so happily ever after with Sara and never look back.

That would have been the ideal situation. I hate how things get complicated.

I realized yesterday, if I jerk off before I do work, I am so much more focused and productive. Lesson learned – jerk off all the time to become successful.

This isn't happening -- it is.

I haven't been around much recently. Well, I have but, I've been busy. It is getting increasingly harder to deal with these little piss head pukes that can't do simple tasks without being breast fed the information.

I got my car alarm. It is really neat. I can remotely start my car from miles away. I armed the alarm while I was driving the other day, and it started going off as I was driving. I mean, how utterly awesome is that?

School is starting in early September. I really feel pissed that summer is gone. Every fucking time I think about another 8 month winter season in the north east – suicide looks more enticing. Another fucking year of snow and ice storms is coming. Waking up for school early just so I can walk out side in the blister cold while I try to remind myself why I even bother existing anymore is the best part about winter. Why can't I fucking live in a bubble? I bet if I had a bubble around my body, life would be better. Think of all the hot chicks that would feel sympatric! I could live in a climate controlled bubble and I would only come out of it to screw hot chicks. That is better than living in a giant bucket.

Alas, no such luck. I am stuck in this downward spiral of an oncoming depressing winter season. I don't think I could possibly live through another Halloween, thanksgiving, and Christmas in this shit box of a town.

You know, I am one of the happiest people you will ever meet. Aren't I?

You lose!

Hi.

The other day I was at the mall. It was 11am and I was hanging around the Yugioh tournament waiting for my brother to get done with work. He met up with me and we started to leave. As we proceeded down the escalator, we saw the Yugioh store owner, some crying kids, and parents. The owner informed us that this black kid was going around stealing Yugioh cards from little kids, and that he was still in the mall. My brother wanted to take five minutes and look for the little cunts. We took off walking, and then almost immediately spotted the kid and one of his friends. My brother tells me to follow the bastards as he was going to get the owner. I followed the kids and saw that they were going to exit the mall. I quickly sped up and jumped in front of the black kid – that was the thief – and go, ‘Where do you think you're going? You're staying here till security comes.' They kid then booked it into the mall and I followed. Here is a short diagram of the exciting chase:

Click to open in a new window.

At spot number one, you will see a show truck parked in the middle of the mall. He ran on the other side of it and we played chicken for about 30 seconds. All the while I was yelling at him ‘If you don't stop mother fucking running, I am going to beat the shit out of you.' He didn't seem to like that and took off running, I followed. As he ran by position two, he tipped over the chair that was being used by the hotdog kiosk in the middle of the mall. As I ran into the chair, I threw it to the side not missing a stride.

At this point, the kid bolted for the door. He hit position number three where he had to open the double doors to exit the mall, thus slowing him down. The door was still open as I ran through without resistance. As I jumped in the middle of the road, I got a hold of his shirt and swiftly tackled him to the ground. Saying ‘Where the fuck do you think you're going, you little cunt?' Right then, I claimed victory for little kids everywhere. His white wigger, ghetto filth friend then came up right next to me and yelled ‘Let him go now! You are hurting him!' I simply looked at him for a moment – thought – then proceeded to say ‘If you fucking touch me, I will rip your face off'. He quickly took a few steps back at that point. I kept the little thief's face right in the concrete till the Yugioh store owner pulled me off him.

Victory was mine. I went back in to the mall and saw 75 people looking at me. It was sort of funny. I went back to the stand and told the kids I got their cards back. The one kid has a hot mom, and she said she would make me cookies. If I got cookies every time I beat up a ghetto trash little fuck, I'd be bigger than Tal's girlfriend. That is basically the size of an Abrams M1A1 Marine tank, shit.

Good times.

My spoon is too big!

End of the month webstats are always fun. Here are the most searched key words.

Top 13 of 13 Total Search Strings

# Search String

1 25.81% matt kelly
2 16.13% sex gurl
3 12.90% rought sex
4 9.68% how to do sex with a gurl
5 6.45% naked gurl
6 6.45% sex with gurl
7 3.23% eat wax
8 3.23% girl that will have sex with matt
9 3.23% gurl naked
10 3.23% how to eat a gurl out
11 3.23% just turn that fucking radio off
12 3.23% site:mattkelly.com a
13 3.23% turn the fucking radio off

The absolute best is; how to do sex with a gurl. I know sometimes typing in proper grammatical form is overly difficult, yet, I am always amazed how people fuck it up beyond recognition.

The next one “girl that will have sex with matt” is interesting. What girls have had sex with matt? Let's break this down.

I've actually slept with a few girls in my 21 years. Here is a short time line:

CliCk Here FoR SeXxxX!!1

That picture speaks for itself. I am rad.

Try to see it once my way.

I had no work to do today at all. I went to meet a friend for lunch and that's it. Here is a rant I wrote to pass the time.

You ever checked out peoples profiles on AOL Instant Messenger? They can be classified into 4 different sub categories.

The first sub group is the love struck teenagers. They have puppy love messages praising their significant other for being the best thing since the holocaust. This is normally followed by the classic phrase ‘I'll love you forever!' Here is an example of what one of these profiles would look like:

I was lost, tormented, and depressed. I had nowhere to turn, but then – light – a shimmer of light from the gods above – you appeared. You are like an angel that cured me of my woes and filled me with love. Oh , you are so perfect for me! I can not believe I found you in my utter pathetic sea of misery. You make me feel whole, I live for you. Thank you for delivering me from the shadows, and brining me into the true light of your love. I will love you forever .

Next, we have the infamous 14 year old AOL users. They pride themselves on being completely incoherent. They disregard proper English grammar and mechanics. With alternating capital letters, and eye bleeding back and foreground font colors, this group is by far the most annoying. Example:

HI MAH NMA IS 1!!! LOL IM 14 YEARS OLD AND I LIEK AL MAH BOYZ!1!! LOL I WANA GIEV A SHOUT OUT 2 LITL3Z 2NY Q FOR DA MAD PROPS HE GAT MA!1!!1 WTF AND LIEK THANK U 2 2NY TEH TIEGR FOR BNG GRRAAT1!!11111 WTF LOL YO AND LIEK I WANT 2 THANK LIL MOISHI FOR BNG MAH MAD HOTEI BITCH FOR MA 2 B PIMPIN OUT!1!!111 WTF

The next group is a little tamer than its predecessor. This group takes its complete lack of creative prowess very seriously. Each week they insert a new song or movie quote that makes absolutely no sense to the third party reader. It can be compared to being at a party and the group of people in the corner laughing at a joke that is only between them. Often citing lyrics concerning depression, social misunderstanding, and other various Linkin Park songs, they more than likely just need to get laid. Example:

“Don't turn your back on me, I WONT BE IGNORED!” –Linkin Park
“I'am one step close to the edge and I'am about to break!' –Linkin Park
“Things are falling down on me... Heavy things I cannot see.”
“I'am crawling in my skin, these wounds they will not heal” –Linkin Park

Finally, we had the most hated group in the entire internet – the 40 something child molesters. These wastes of carbon attempt to make themselves out to be teenagers to lure young naïve members into there traps. Most of these “Colon (www.gamer-pit.com)” types try to make websites and profiles that will appeal to kids and get them to chat with them. Example:

Hiya! My name is Colon! I like 2 play baseball and hang out at da mall ;))) I'am a senior in highschool n 17 years old and I'am an cutie!! LOL :PPP I'am free Friday night n if u wanna chill out IM me or call ma house 555-555-5555 ;)) k hope 2 hear from ya hotties soon ROFL! Bye

I can't believe an info structure designed to help people communicate during nuclear war has been raped by kids and perverts. Good times.

Fucking slag!

I ordered my new rims today. I chose the silver over the chrome for one reason; I didn't want to look like this guy. It was $900 for four wheels/tires, lugs, mounting and balancing, and a one year fuck up warranty. Least I got free shipping.

My ex-girlfriend got all Fatal Attraction on me. She told me that she was cheating on me throughout our entire relationship. It was the most pathetic load of shit I've ever heard. Not to mention the lamest attempt at getting even at me for something that happened two years ago. Some people can't get over the past. Next time I feel the urge to unblock and talk to her, I will be slitting my wrists for my own good. Nothing good can become of talking to your jealous ex-girlfriend. That is one of those ‘life lessons' learned the hardcore way – dude, you said ‘hardcore'.

I went to Len's party Saturday night. His house is in the middle of nowhere. We stopped at a Mobile station on the way up. The cunt at the register had fucking six visible teeth. As I was filling my gas tank, I was attacked by literally two quad-trillion insects. They got all over my car and started to land on me. That is when I flipped the fuck out and almost whipped out a lighter and can of hair spray to flame them off me. That would be the greatest way to die. Ever.

Everyone was drunk when we got there. Len and some other guys played ‘spin the drunk'. I was the referee. The point of the game is: who ever spins around and is the last drunk standing, wins. Joe was spinning all over the place. He got close to Len and capped him in the head with his beer bottle. The beer then proceeded to explode. Obviously, this was the coolest thing to ever happen in human history, I know. Good times, I can't wait for the next one.

Girls don't like boys. Girls like cars and money.

Its mid-July already, seems like the summer just started, and already we have reached the half way point. Along with thoughts of the upcoming train wreck I'd like to call college, another super special day is coming up – Sara's birthday. My little 13 year old girlfriend is growing up; she will be 14 years old soon. Anyway, now comes the time when I try and think of a gift to give her.

Now that I have written my introduction, I will begin with my transitional paragraph that will lead into my rant – ready?

It's hard for me to think of things to buy people. I could be lame and give cash or gift certificates to some over priced store that sells pseudo-fashionable clothes. I was thinking about everything that she needs. She has everything she could ever ask for – maybe another kitten or an apartment would be nice. Then the question that always manages to come up, came up. How much should I spend on a simple birthday?

Transitional paragraph completed. Let us now move to the witty one liners and hateful sediments.

Should money really be a staple in any relationship? Money, of course, is the driving force in the world today. Without it, life would be very unenjoyable. The main point that I am trying to get to is – when should money be left out of the equation?

I recently was asking people what I should get my significant other for her birthday. A lot of people said the generic everyday things: money, clothes, perfume, my cock. Then I got to the last person on my list, the ex girlfriend. Sure, when I asked her I really wouldn't have expected a true honest reply. I was waiting for the sarcasm to start pour through her jealous fingers into the keyboard. I was completely amazed when she was honest with me. She suggested a car, a new computer, a ring, and a laptop. At this time, I would like to go through each one separately to dispel this delusion that money is love.

A car I thought was a bit extreme. After she listed this item, I told her that Sara already had a car. Her next unforeseen reply was, ‘Get her a down payment on a new car!' Confused by her sincerity, I simply acknowledged the response and tried to move forward.

A computer would be ok. Yet, I built one for her last year that she rarely uses. Of course, she told me that I should buy her a new one for no apparent use or reason.

A laptop would be useless, see A computer.

A ring maybe would be neat? This was a good idea. Girls like shiny things, right? What better a device that could eventually lead to the decapitation on her ring finger? She then went on to talk about how her new boyfriend – Chad – got her a $3,000 ring for their one year anniversary. This, after buying her a $5,000+ engagement ring after knowing her for six months, was insane to me. This guides me back into the main point of the article, why is spending large amounts of money equal to how much you love someone?

You know the type – well groomed, clean shaven, nicely dressed in preppy button down shirts – they think that they have to acquire a girlfriend through material goods. They buy expensive things and pay for all of the bills. They think that with money, comes love and affection. Why would it? I would just as well stay with the guy just to not have to work anymore. That would be using him for personal gain, but who cares, he is poor sap that buys everything and only expects a good fuck in return here and there.

Real love isn't money. It isn't rushing into life-time commitments to prove faithfulness. Nor is it buying expensive things to prove you are a real man. I would want a girl that would settle for a rose on her birthday. That enjoys not caring about monetary worth. The fallacy, ‘Love is giving' is just that, a myth. Something made to make some guys feel like they are real men because they have nothing else to offer, or need to mask their other short comings.

Maybe I'm wrong about this, but on the odd chance that I'm not, I'm sorry. I'm sorry life has to be that way for you. Hopefully all of my faithful audience can tell that this article is somewhat slanted at an intended target. Although it was a more specific article targeting a certain situation, I feel as though it can be taken in a more general sense.

Looks like you're getting my love for you birthday, and maybe a kitten.

Sarah Cobain, thanks for the email. You were the first positive email I have ever received.

I hate everything about you.

Someone asked me today to write a real news update. I agree that I have been posting basically nothing recently. I feel oddly about this site and its content. I know that I have some regulars that frequent this site for whatever reason – be it hate, love, or otherwise – and that's great. I don't want this to be just another teenage angst blog, where I talk about how much I hate my teachers and how my parents don't understand me, and how I love Marilyn Manson, and cutting myself. I write on the edge of saying nothing relevant at all and hinting into my personal life. Granted, I don't want you internet weirdo's knowing about me but, I guess that is really the point of any blog. If not for witty one liners this site would be nothing but a Goth angst page.

In any event, I plan on writing more articles on personal things; it will provide more of an understanding into the depths of this site, and thus me.

I recently started speaking again with my Ex-Girlfriend. If you don't remember her, check the ‘past' section of this page and look for the editorial I did comparing her to Hitler. Moving forward, I really didn't want to start talking to her again. I had filled my AIM block list, and in order to block the complete witless fucks that think ‘HEYA ASL PLZ?' is an acceptable greeting, I unblocked her 5000 fake screen names.

I don't know why, but I was compelled to message her. Maybe because I missed her, maybe because I wanted to see how she was doing, or maybe I was just really bored. We started talking and she was giving me one line pseudo sarcastic replies trying to thwart my ill attempts at an actual intellectual conversation. After five minutes, I talked her into acting like a normal AOL user – thus making her refrain from adding ‘WTF LOL ROFL!!' at the end of her sentences.

I talked to her a bit, catching up on new things we were up to. How utterly boring this was. The fact is, once all the catching up is done, there is no real conversation. What am I going to say? ‘Say, is your new boyfriend a real lion in bed? I heard you like anal?' Fighting the urge to say ‘NICE DAY WE ARE HAVING!', I have been more reserved in our recent conversations.

I can not figure out why I care about this situation. Is it that I want to know how wonderful she is doing without me? Is it because I want to prove to myself I am doing better than her? I keep streaming images in my head of the past. There is obviously a reason I cheated on her and broke up with her. In my blind attempt in reacquisitioning – I made up a word – an old friend, I had forgot why I was where I was in the first place. I didn't like her, I couldn't of. I keep remembering all the exact reasons I hated her. All the things I didn't like about her. In my attempts to regain clarity of the situation, I realized that I was better off now then I was in the past.

Someone once told me that I needed to build bridges instead of burn them. Maybe –sometimes – bridges are meant to stay burnt and forgotten.

Random nothing.

I have the house to myself the rest of the week. I am throwing a party Friday night – that should be awesome super fun.

Those Japs sent me another pair of headlights and I haven't heard from them since. I am going to resell them on eBay and make some money.

I went to the AGP car show yesterday. They featured some really neat modded cars. I really want an in-dash DVD player. The good ones are $1,000. I will end up getting rims first.

I have nothing else to talk about. I will make something up more interesting tonight. Good times.

Indebted and so grateful

Forth of July was fun. There were a lot less people at the party this year. It seems to be less and less each passing year. I took some picture(s) of my fully assembled car. Here:

1

It seems that the place I got my headlights from sent me an extra pair. I got an email from them saying “There was another package was sent to you by mistake, if you could please refused it. If you can't refuse the second package, please let us know and we wil issue a call tag to pick it up!”

These guys are fucking idiots. I was bored and wrote them a nice letter. Here it is:

Hello,

My name is Matthew Kelly. I recently ordered head lights from you --http://cgi.ebay.com/ebaymotors/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&rd=1&category=33710&item=2419073532.

I would just like to tell you about my experience with your company. I have been looking over these head lights for awhile. I saw your auction and finally agreed to buy them. I was very excited, these were great headlights. Upon receiving them, I noticed the Blinker and Parking like holes were the incorrect size. Weird I thought, the auction said 2001 – 2004 Civics these were meant for. The Honda Civic 2004 isn't even out yet – that was a red flag.

After confirming these lights did not fit my 2003 Honda Civic, I called your incoherent staff. I realize you are all Japanese. So I took into account you are slower than the rest of us – and I gave you some slack. The call came in at 9:30am PST, I was told that Customer Service wasn't in till 10:30am PST. Odd, it seemed the must important section of your staff couldn't be bothered coming into work on time. This was very unprofessional, but again, you are Japanese, so I accepted this gross disregard for professionalism.

The next call was at 1pm PST. After having your incoherent sales tech attempt to speak some type of broken English to me, they told me support was out to lunch, then they hung up. That really angered me. I know Japs are normally angry people because of their lack of physical prowess, tiny body size and or smaller extremities, but this was uncalled for.

I called next at 3pm PST. I thought that your lethargic customer support ‘team' would finally be ready to work for the first time that day. I got a hold of another sale representative that said ‘He busy help other customer! You leave message and he call you back ok? What is name please?' First of all, who talks like that? How can you have a valid EIN and business when your employees sound like they are fresh off the boat from a Japanese prison? In any case, I left my name, number and all that good stuff.

I waited about one and a half hours. I thought that would have been plenty of time to help some other unfortunate sap that purchased an item through you. Still, nothing, at this point I called back. This is the real kicker. One of your sales representatives goes, ‘Support no in today! You try back tomorrow when they in!' I told your grammar challenged employee that I needed help now. He then proceeded to tell me ‘No my problem!!! No my problem!' I do very much enjoy being lied to by a bunch of people that consider eating dog delicacy.

How can you expect to run a business with employees that can't speak proper English and undoubtedly don't have green cards. I am now calling the INS to make sure your employees are actually supposed to be in United States and I am contacting the Better Business Bureau about your unacceptable stupidity. Thank you for furthering racial prejudice and making me lose faith in foreign distributors.

Indebted and so grateful,
Matthew Kelly


That just about sums up my feelings on the situation. Sure, it's a bit mean, but never the less, long over due. Till next time -- fuck off.

Sunday, Sunday, Someday!

The bad ass Japs struck again. I received this email:

Hi

We got your payment on 6/15/03 and It just stitting on our paypal account without us know about it too.paypa supposed to informed us whenever we got payments via email but sometimes they didn't.

Sorry about what happened. and I will process your order on tommorow 7/01/03 and speddy up the processing time, hopefully I could ship it at the same day.

let me know if you have any questions
Thank you,

4caroption.net staff

Seeing as I already have the lights, this presents a chance to cause immeasurable havoc for 4caroption. Well, maybe not, but it proves the stupider the domain name, the stupider the person who owns it.

In any case, we installed my headlights last night. After four long, and frustrating hours, all was well. They look really neat. I have some pictures of the car in pieces. No pictures of the car all together, yet. I will take some tomorrow and post them.

One | Two | Three

There is a big forth of July party coming up tomorrow. I am going to the lake to have the annual family party. The parties are normally boring and uneventful. Tomorrow, though, promises to be eventful. In the past, I bring my current girlfriend; Sara last year, the Bonnie three years ago. Sara was more fun, she wasn't afraid to go swimming, and she was hotter. Unfortunately, tomorrow, I go solo. Anyway, I have a secret weapon. My super awesome car. If you consider these facts I've just made up: my uncles family is rich, they own two camps, and BMW's, and whatever else. For once I have something that is better. Sure, I am probably over compensating for some jealousy and self worth issues, but it's all in good fun.

Jinzo says ‘Yes!'

FDR!

As I fight the urge to sleep, I write you this meaningless story of anger and racial hatred.

The place I bought my after market head lights from is run by Japs. In normal everyday life, I like Japanese people. They have a knack for making themselves look like complete fools. I can respect that. They carry cameras and take pictures of stuff like: empty American soda cans, and Tal's girlfriend naked then frame them and put them on their mantels. Weird folk, but none the less, they play the crucial role of ‘the foreigner we all make fun of' role in sociality. Yet, I digress.

I call the Japs and they tell me, ‘Customer support no in yet. Try back 1 hour.' Seems fair enough, I mean, who needs a solid work ethic anyway? He was probably out taking pictures of flying plastic bags in the wind to show his family back home. About an hour later, I went to APG to pick up a pair of amber blinker lights and a pair of low beam hyper whites. Good bye 50 dollars. Next, we traveled to the exotic Honda dealership. They tried to find the right plug I needed so the fucking parking and blinker lights fit. Sixteen dollars later, and again, they give me the wrong fucking connectors.

When I got home, I called the Japs again. This time I get ‘Customer Service at lunch. Call back 45 minute.' Good times, I waited – jerked off – then called back. ‘Customer Service help nother customer. I leave message for him. Whata you name sir?' How long could it possibly take to help another customer? An hour goes by, I call again. ‘Yes, I go get customer support for you. Wait on phone.' I am then immersed into the world of smooth jazz 98.5 ‘The wave'. I waited about 15 minutes listening to BB King play heart touching song. After screaming and punching my desk a few times, I hung up and called back – this is where it gets good.

Me: I was on hold for 15 minutes while one of your awesome employees tried to find customer support. Can you please make sure he doesn't get lost this time?'
Mr. Chin: Customer service no in today. You call back tomorrow!
Me: No, I need help today. I spoke to 3 people that told me Customer service was in today.
Mr. Chin: No in today! Tomorrow he in! You call back then. No my problem.
Me: So, you're English savvy staff was lying to me? That's sounds about right for you guys. Anyway, I'll call back tomorrow.

Not his problem, eh? Not like YOU WORK AT THE FUCKING STORE OR ANYTHING, YOU STUPID MOTHER FUCKER.

Tomorrow will be much of the same I fear. Maybe after two atomic bombs, they forgot who is in charge.

Our last goodbye.

After 3 trips to Pep Boys and calling a slue of auto body shops, my car is still in pieces. The custom head lights I ordered are fucked. Reasons: the wire housings are the incorrect size; I broke 5 clips getting the front bumper off; I can't find a yellow parking light. Technically, I just need to go to Honda and buy replacement clips then go to APG super awesome auto world and try an get a yellow blinker light. I really like my car more when the front bumper is on.

Sara and I went to see Charlie's Angels II tonight. It was officially the best movie in the world. Surely, I jest, it was so fucking awful. The entire movie was actually filmed around the Angel's tits and asses. It was filled with a plethora of very crude sexual jokes (which were awesome). Such as “Yeah, I love getting pounded, it leaves me wet for hours.” That was referring to sex…erm…surfing. And, who could forget “It took all three of us, but we finally got her on her back.”

It is surprising that movies, like this, get past editing. At some point up ‘the executive food chain' at the movie studio, someone must just say “Hey, what the fuck is this shit?” It would seem the popular response must have been “Dude, who cares, put in another slow motion bullet time sequence and show some more panty shots and tons more 16 year old boys will cream their pants and pay us!”

Finally, I would like to let it be known that Demi Moore is old, and yet, so incredibly hot. There is something about a hot, big breasted chick with gold guns that turns me on. Either that or it was Berney Macks token black guy one liners. Which ever.

I will never ever ever ever ever ever

It was 93 degrees today. Tomorrow it is going to be 94. This warming trend is long awaited, yet feels oppressive with no air conditioner. I'm installing the AC tomorrow – something about my unmentionable body parts sweating all over the place really makes me feel uncomfortable.

I have recently been getting a lot of faked out emails from my friend Shona aka geeno.. Shonanana insists that I am the coolest person in the world.

She writes:

Hi me again!!!!!!!! So do u talk to all people the way send e
-mails?? do u
get ur head kicked in alot?? I bet u nothin but a sad computer nerd who
hids behind it all to finally get some recognition.!
PINK HAIR????????????wats that all about that? attention seaking or wat!
go out make some friends and get a life ur so sad and perfetic all u do is
go on!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ur a promiscuous sad b@stard
Please write back i would love to hear from u again xxxxxxxxxxxxxx
shona xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

At this time I would like to reemphasize that lower class slugs that abuse the welfare system, should stop fucking reproducing. Instead, may I suggest, selling your sperm on the black market. Who knows, maybe one day it will be used to produce a mass legion of slow, decrepit, handicapped warriors that jump into incoming fire and act as human shields to protect the non-intellectually challenged.

Maybe, instead, you could take the little razor – the one daddy uses to form coke lines – and move it in a slow, deep cutting motion along your wrists and ankles. Why not save yourself the awful burden of coming up with unimpressive ways to be comical. This is a much more productive solution.

Shut fuck up!

New site is here. Rejoice.

I just got back from 4 sex filled days in New Jersey on the beach vacationing. It was a good time. The driving was crazy. Old black women are terrors on interstate highways.

Six Flags was a neat place. I really thought they would make the park more aesthetically pleasing. It was more like, ‘Oh look, there is concrete, and more concrete, and look, a small shrub!'. Other than the miles of lackluster scenery, the roller coasters were fucking awesome. The ‘Nitro' coaster was simply the best. It was something like a 1400 foot drop. Since it was Friday, no one was in the park. We got to be in the front seat of every coaster.

It rained a lot, but all the fun wasn't to be had outside. Yanno, that's one of dem in-u-en-do's.

Funniest moment was when the couple in the room behind us was fucking at 1 AM. Their bed was pounding against the wall and all you can hear is the guy screaming. Sounded more like the chick was getting gang raped, rather than enjoying a good fuck session.

Good times.

Turn the fucking radio off.

New site coming very soon.

For now, enjoy this:

gurl: so when am i coming to your house
Matt: When do you turn 18?
gurl: =-Othat's not nice
gurl: but i wanna come noooooowww!!!
Matt: How old are you?
gurl: 17
Matt: you know im 21, right?
gurl: yeah
gurl: i won't tell if you won't tell
Matt: hahaha ew.
gurl: you know u wanna;-)
gurl: are you honestly going to make me wait another year
gurl: this sux
Matt: I don't even know you…
gurl: well its a good way to get to know me
Matt: What do you want to do if you came to my house?
Matt: Play chess?
gurl: think about it
gurl: lets see, i wanna talk, and play games, and you can show me around town, and then we can have some fun, go partying and such
Matt: Yes, then we can play checkers
gurl: while we lay naked in a bed after a rought night of sex ~ sure why not
Matt: I don't know if i can handle rought sex.
Matt: Rought sex sounds painful
gurl: hmmm
gurl: well then soft sex
Matt: As opposed to rought sex?
gurl: yup
gurl: i can drip hot candle wax all over your hot naked body
Matt: Then will you eat the candle wax?
gurl: hell yeah
Matt: You eat wax?
gurl: only if you'll have sex with me
gurl: i wouldn't want it any other way
Matt: Awesome!
gurl: hehe i know
gurl: so is this a yes that you'll have sex with me
Matt: If you eat wax, maybe. What else can you do?
gurl: to find that out, you have to have sex with me
gurl: to my satisfaction
Matt: wow
Matt: What if can't perform well enough?
gurl: well then we'll just have to keep trying until you do, now won't we
Matt: What if you break it?
gurl: superglue my dear
Matt: Can my girl friend join?
gurl: hmmm sure
Matt: You are into that?
gurl: like i said, anything for you my sweet cupcake
Matt: What would you do to her while I watched?
gurl: wouldn't you like to know?
Matt: Would you ingest wax off her too?
gurl: sure
Matt: Do they have flavored wax?
gurl: i'm not sure
gurl: i guess we'll just have to find out
Matt: Do you eat paste?
gurl: hmm never tried it
Matt: Go try it now. I bet it kinda tastes like wax.
gurl: i don't have any paste on me
Matt: Shucks.

There, there.

Sara and I started going tanning yesterday. It was all so new and fun and exciting! All the employees at the tanning salon were so overly tanned. I wanted to let them in on the little secret that they are ugly as fuck. I don't want a girl friend that looks a big dark brown piece of shit. The one chick had big tits though, I wonder if her tits are dark brown and the nipple is bright pink. That would just simply make my entire life worth living.

The bitch there insisted that I use their over priced tanning lotion. She made the comparison; “tanning without lotion is like brushing your teeth without tooth paste.” By the looks of her, I could tell she was practicing that one liner for weeks. I mean, how dare I not pay four dollars for .000001 ounces of premium tanning lotion. I was sure my skin would instantly melt under the ultra powerful 120 watt bulbs if I didn't empty my wallet immediately.

Other than that, I rearranged my room. Now my bed is where is used to be 2 years ago and I am using dual monitors. I will post pictures tomorrow.

Watching lovers part, I feel you smiling

What a boring summer this is so far. I've done nothing interesting at all. I have broken the weeks down into 3 separate sections.

Monday – Wednesday

• 10:30am

Go to Sara's house

• 10:35am

Sex

• 10:36am

Clean up and shower

• 2:00pm

Drop Sara at work

• 5:30pm

Pick Sara up from work

• 6:00pm

Go to school

• 10:00

Come home from school

• 1:00am

Masturbate

Eventful thus far? I could have added a plethora of meaningless rubbish in there, but I will spare you.

Tuesday – Thursday – Friday

• 10:30am

Go to Sara's house

• 10:35am

Sex

• 10:36am

Clean up and shower

• 2:00pm

Drop Sara at work

• 6:00pm

Pick Sara up from work

• 6:30pm

Watch Angel

• 11:30

Drop Sara home

• 1:00am

Masturbate

The third part is just the same thing, minus the sex part. Sometimes I like to take a day off to collect my thoughts.

I think I had something else witty and humorous to say, but I forgot. Oh k g2g ttyl gg.

Papa's Sexual Love

I was in English class tonight. We all had to write a one page narrative paper on a pre-war Iraq news article. I half-assed wrote this sarcastic piece about god knows what. And for whatever reason the professor picked me to read my paper in front of the class. After I read it, every one comments on how great it was. The guy that sits in front of me turned around and said that it was the best paper in the class. I fucking rock that class. I think my next move is to run for the office of god. I think I can win it. Anyway, here is the paper:


On a blistering hot summer day somewhere in Iraq, there is a tower. This tower stands 108 meters high, 8 meters higher than the Tower of London. After it was destroyed in the first Gulf War by a British airplane, Iraq wanted to build this tower to symbolically show its dominance over the English aggressors. As the head of the tower, which houses a restaurant where meals can go for as much as an Iraqi government worker's monthly salary rotates, the beginnings of a building start to come into view. As the tower turns more and more, the picture becomes clear: another rich, lavish palace is being constructed to celebrate one of the most notorious men of our time.

Since the end of the Gulf War in 1992, the Iraqi people suffered from shortages in food and other basic needs, resulting in malnourishment and thousands of deaths each day. They are desperate for a better life. The United Nations sanctions on imports and exports have crippled the Iraqi economy. These sanctions were designed to weaken the regime, yet the only weakening is the health of the nation.

The United Nations tried to further rectify the already horrific situation by starting a program called 'Oil for food'. Under this program, food and other medical supplies were traded to Iraq in exchange for oil. Again, their efforts were thwarted by a selfish iron-fisted regime. Closed door deals and secret smuggling of oil was still running rampant. Yet another relief effort was tainted by the Iraqi dictator Saddam Hussein.

During the Gulf War, President George Bush was all for taking Saddam's power away from him and liberating the Iraqi people. Unfortunately, Bush lost his reelection campaign and a timid, passive democratic party gained control of the USA. Bill Clinton made little effort to show Saddam that the US was serious about its convictions. After countless UN resolutions, nothing has changed in the country of Iraq. Business is being conducted as usual. The rich are getting richer and the poor are dying in front of the many gold lined presidential palaces.

I want something good to die for.

This weekend I went to Connecticut to go on an old WWII war ship for a historical sailing trip. It was a 3 hour trip to get there and another 6 hours for the boat ride. It was ok, it rained and the food was awful. You would think for $125 that they would serve great food. The one good part was at the end they had ice cream bars! Actually, that was the best part of the trip.

After complaining for 6 hours, Sara and I went in search of a hotel. The first place we saw wanted $275 for one night, good times. We drove all over and finally found a quality inn that had a suite for $130. Great place, it had free broadband. We just had to drive to Wal-mart and pick up some CAT 5E cable.

When we got back to the hotel, we ate then took a nice, long HOT shower. Four hours later we were ready for bed!

Then we drove home and watched Angel and had hot dogs.

I'm getting new rims for my car. My friend Ryan is giving me the ones he drove 5 hours to get. $600 for the rims and tires wasn't a bad deal.

Oh my god! You parked in the drive way?

I got my car windows tinted. It's super cool, I either look like a secret agent or an insecure Latin American teenage boy. Either one is a step up from driving around in a huge escalade with 27 inch rims. I can't roll my windows down for a week.

Saturday I got in 3rd in the Yugioh tournament. This was out of 80 people, so I feel pretty good. I got a measly $15 in store credit to the Yugioh store. During the games some fuck hats threw a rock through my moms back window and took a bag full with papers. Instead of taking the car stereo, these mental super heroes opted to take the spare change from the cup holder. I love the fact that they had enough balls to commit a crime that could land them in jail and prime targets for some great anal antics by the prison inhabitants, yet they only took a bag full of papers and spare change.

I had my four hour English class tonight. Jesus fuck that's a long class. There is this hot girl sitting next to me that kept looking at me. I was like, “Score, some hot bitch thinks I'm cute! Maybe I can finally get sex this year!” Then we did this activity where we wrote a page about our selves and passed it around the room. I got her paper and the first thing I saw was ‘Hi, I'm (whatever her name is) and I'm 16!” Greatest feeling ever when jail bate likes you. It sucks but she is nice to look at. She sits perfectly straight in her chair. It's amazing and a huge turn on, too bad that the paper was written like a high school note.

Matt Kelly vs. The BBB

I recently had a ex-client contact the Better Business Bureau to log a complaint against me. Sounds like a bad thing right? I think it is massively amusing actually. This guy, lets call him Geeno for the sake not causing another lawsuit if the poor sap finds this, ordered a server about a month ago. He didn't speak English what so ever. I found myself re-reading his emails 30 times for some sort of legible text. He complained constantly, even if there was no issues and the server was up, he would say it was down and lagging.

One of the first emails I get from this waste of skin is:

Hello,
I'm not in windows systm i use a macintosh, how i start the server ?
And what about the web ?
Thanks

He is on a Mac. This explains to me right off the bat that he is operating at a lower intellect. “I LIKE MACKS CAUSE THEY GET ME ONLINE WITH NO WASTING TIME GOOD! I AINT GO NO THINK NO MORE CUASE THE MACK THINK FOR ME AND STEVE JOBS IS PHAT!”

Things started to go down hill from here. I started getting emails like this:
My server is down and i cannot go true ssh!
Please check it.

and:

I will, notify the BBB of your state about this, and about the offence
on your forum.
I'm sorry but, I never accept inedicate people in my life.
I was upset for the reason that i mention inside the board, but all
this offence are inacceptable. I understand young company, and for this reason until now i was agree to stay, but you invite me to go out, well
I'll.
Thank you for your time

You know, he is right. He understands young company are we and he never accept inedicate people. I can not agree with that statement more. The simple and sheer power of his words strike fear and above everything else respect in my heart of hearts. It is a fact that MS Word and MS Outlook have built in spell and grammar checkers. Then again who needs a spell checker? I mean he is using a fucking Mac, I should just shut the fuck up now to prevent any further tongue lashings from the master of the written word.

Enough with the cheap shots, let's get into the hardcore ownage. Below is a link to the scanned BBB complaint report. All information that could be used against me has been blurred.

BBB complaint report.

He must have had help with that one, I can only count 5 grammar and spelling errors this time around. To wrap this post up, here is my reply. I am sure no one will argue the clear winner of this case.

Dear BBB Gods,
This letter is in regards to complaint# xxxxx. I have read your letter and the complaint and have talked with Mr. Geeno. For the purpose of this letter, I will take each of Mr. Geeno's complaints and discuss them separately.

I would like to start out by describing our Terms of Service agreement. This agreement is on the footer of every single page on our company web site. When Mr. Geeno signed up for the server, he was notified that by logging into the Linux Red Hat User Environment, he was agreeing to the terms of service. That being said, we have the understanding that Mr. Geeno agreed to these terms.

The first complaint states his server was not set up in 24 hours as promised. We never gave Mr. Geeno a promise of a time frame for setup. In our company's FAQ, question 14 addresses this:

”Q. I just ordered a server, when will it be up?

A. If you pay via Pay Systems.com, card authorization can take up to 2 days. Normally, it takes less than one. You will be setup with in a few hours of that verification and be notified via email.”

It says that it normally takes 24 hours but can take more than 2 days. Mr. Geeno signed up via Paypal on 4/2/2003 for the service. He was then sent the server information on 4/3/2003. Here is the header of the email message and a short excerpt. (See image)

This proves the email was sent 24 hours after he ordered the server.
The claim that the server was not working properly 24/7 can simply be explained. During the one month service we had to do maintenance work on the server Mr. Geeno was assigned. The server itself was down two times during the one month service. Both down periods were around 4-7 hours. We state in our Terms of Service in section 6.2:

6.2. YOU ASSUME FULL RESPONSIBILITY AND RISK FOR USE OF THE SERVICE AND THE INTERNET BY YOU AND YOUR AUTHORIZED USERS. THE SERVICE IS PROVIDED ON AN "AS IS" AND "AS AVAILABLE" BASIS. DICULE SYSTEMS DOES NOT WARRANT THAT THE SERVICE WILL BE UNINTERRUPTED OR ERROR-FREE OR THAT ANY INFORMATION, SOFTWARE OR OTHER MATERIAL ACCESSIBLE VIA THE SERVICE IS FREE OF VIRUSES, WORMS, TROJAN HORSES, OR OTHER HARMFUL COMPONENTS. DICULE SYSTEMS MAKES NO EXPRESS OR IMPLIED WARRANTIES, REPRESENTATIONS OR ENDORSEMENTS INCLUDING, BUT NOT LIMITED TO, WARRANTIES OF TITLE, NON-INFRINGEMENT OR IMPLIED WARRANTIES OF MERCHANTABILITY OR FITNESS FOR A PARTICULAR PURPOSE REGARDING ANY MERCHANDISE, INFORMATION OR SERVICE PROVIDED THROUGH DICULE SYSTEMS OR ON THE INTERNET GENERALLY. NO ADVICE OR INFORMATION GIVEN BY DICULE SYSTEMS, THEIR EMPLOYEES, AFFILIATES OR CONTRACTORS SHALL CREATE A WARRANTY.

This clearly states that we do not guarantee that the service will be trouble free or available without disruption for the entire month. Mr. Geeno, by logging into his account, agreed to the TOS (Terms of Service) and thus agreed to this term (6.2).
On the issue of the forum incident, Mr. Geeno posted a message on our forums stating that he was not happy about the down time and ping. We then replied to try and close the issue. Mr. Geeno then continued to post negative and immature messages. He was then warned by a forum moderator (who is not an employee of Dicule Systems) to cease and desist in these negative and unfounded remarks or he would be banned from posting in the forums. He was told repeatedly to discontinue the thread and to simply email Support about his issue. He ignored the warnings and continued. Subsequently, after his last post he was banned by the moderator. Mr. Geeno then emailed me and threatened myself and my company with legal action and slander of our company name. As soon as I received his email, I un-banned him from the forums. He was warned twice before he was banned. As for the supposed unprofessional language he claims we used, I would like to see proof of that. No indecent or rude language was used by myself or any other Dicule Systems employee.

I have addressed all the issues Mr. Geeno has brought up in this complaint. I would like to add that I have tried to resolve this issue many times with Mr. Geeno. He will not listen to anything I have to say. Therefore I will, at this time, deny a refund and wish this matter be closed.

Thank you,

Matthew Kelly
Dicule Systems CEO

Why don't you remember my name?

I've been busy as of late. No time to update the site. Pity really, I have a bunch of shit to post for your reading enjoyment. Soon to come here at mattkelly.com is my battle with Better Business Bureau. This is truly an epic battle of wits and stupidity as a former non English speaking client attempts to sue me and file multiple complaints with various agencies such as the FBI and local DA. Good times!

I just landed a job building a network at a local not for profit organization. I am currently working on a proposal detailing the various item costs and labor expenditures. I am charging $1200 for my services. This money will provide me with enough to get new 16” rims for my car, new highlights and tinted windows. There are only 11 computers to be networked so the hardest part will be installing the software on each of them.

I have also been presented with a job at the mall as the manager of a store. This is purely speculation at this point. How did I land this you might ask? Well, as you know I play Yugioh at the mall on Saturday mornings. The manager of the Yugioh store Mike is opening another store on the other side of the mall. Mike is a 50 year old pervert. He makes rude comments about woman for sport. He asked my girlfriend whose tits were bigger, hers or my brother's girlfriends. Not the right way to make a first impression? Fuckin' A.

Anyway, my mother was at the store today and Mike offered her a manager type position at his new store. He offered her $20 dollars an hour for her services. What services those are I really don't want to know or even think about. In any case, I talked my mom into playing Mike into giving me the job instead. I have a year of experience in customer relations and I am super awesome and stuff. I will hopefully have word soon on the outcome and will announce it in the next update.

Hi Hello Hey!

ksalce2000: ASSFUCKING QUEER
Matt: Ahoy hoy!

Yet another mental super hero graces my presence with an insightful yet elegantly crude proclamation. I sometimes wonder what these people do with their lives when they aren't thinking up extremely witty one-liners. Maybe the rush of saying an incredibly random statement then immediately signing off gets them aroused enough to make good on that sexual advance from their uncle Jose. Whatever it is, ksalce2000, I sincerely thank you for opening my eyes to my true sexual preference. In your redundantly redundant message I now see, realize and understand how queer, gay and homosexual I truly am.

Thank you,

Matthew Kelly

P.S. What are you doing next Friday night? Wanna catch a movie? :roar:

Ring Road Supermarket

It's week in review time here at mattkelly.com. I haven't really updated recently. When I start posting AIM conversations, it's a clear sign I have nothing to say. In any event I got a new cell phone.

It has a color screen and all that good stuff. I only am paying for the talking time only right now. I signed up for the 500 minutes a month plan. This is a business phone actually, but I hope I rarely use it and I can get the 300 minutes a month plan with all the internet and email for $50 a month.

I played in the Yu-Gi-Oh Tournament this weekend with my new (and insanely expensive) Exodia deck. The first round I was up against this n00b with a fusion deck. It's stupid that people play in tournaments with fusion decks. The two games took 25 minutes, but I still won. I don't remember much about all the shlubs I faced. This one kid I faced was one of those assholes that talks too much and thinks they are god's gift to the human race. The first round I pissed him the fucked off by keeping Messenger of Peace on the field the whole game. This card disallows him from attacking with any monster over 1500 ATK points. Good shit, I got Exodia out in less than 10 minutes. During the second game the kid got so pissed he quit. It was the greatest thing in the world. Here you have this kid that thinks he pisses gold giving up because he isn't good enough. A good time was had by all. I eventually got to the semi-finals where this little kid beat me. It was pure luck; I've never seen anyone draw like that before.

And finally, Sara is the greatest person ever.

Good Times.

It's really mindless fucks like this that make my life worthwhile. Enjoy.

fattsmelly: are you the dude with the mattkelly.com website
Matt: ya
Matt: can i help you
fattsmelly: you are ruining my name
Matt: ok?
Matt: care to explain that one?
fattsmelly: matt kelly used to be a solid name until your angry teen attitude shit all over it
Matt: Does your mother know you are using the internet?
fattsmelly: what the hell does that mena
Matt: Exactly.
fattsmelly: you think you are clever or something
fattsmelly: you are lame as fuck
Matt: Ouch.
fattsmelly: how old are you
Matt: Uh, why do you even ask? If you read my web site you should know sherlock
fattsmelly: i was too busy laughing at how much of an angry loser you are
Matt: Good times.
fattsmelly: hey i really like that new version of sara3.0
fattsmelly: shes a good fuck
Matt: i'm sure you would know
fattsmelly: what the hell are you so angry about
fattsmelly: do you think you are horribly misunderstood
fattsmelly: i see
fattsmelly: man youre really deep
Matt: And you are fucking annoying. What is the point of this conversation? Well shit, I don't see one. So can you go do something productive and slit your wrists?
Matt: These attempts to 'get me going' aren't working. I don't care who you are or what you have to say. Now, shut the fuck up and continue to read my webpage each and every day. kthx.

My Plague.

PHP class is a joke. I don't understand the point of it. This is a language better taught on your own. My teacher sucks, he doesn't have a good grasp on how to properly teach students. I'm sure his PhD says otherwise, but I have not learned shit from him. I hate the little blackboard quizzes. I can't stand having a 15 minute time limit to take quizzes. I start to get nervous and flip out. This guy doesn't believe in giving tests or quizzes in class. Jesus fucking Christ, I wish some of my other teachers had that philosophy about education. That would make my life a hell of a lot easier.

Easter is one of the great American Catholic holidays. Of course, if you aren't Catholic, who gives a fuck about it? I see it as a day that I get to stay home because all of the fucking stores are closed and do nothing. All I do is sit on my computer and tell people it's Easter and to stop talking to me until tomorrow. I did wax my car though.

I am thinking of getting new head lights for my car. Tell me which you like better:

This one? o|r This two?

Email all your love andpillow talk to me now.

F word count: 17

Maybe Sara was right. Lately I've been so angry I feel like punching some fucking prick in the face. Maybe I really do need some help. It's just I don't understand why these people exist in the world. It is totally beyond my comprehension. Why do these people breed? Why do poor mentally deficient people have kids? They can't even handle themselves and they want to just have ‘big families' or something? They don't care their children will grow up to be gangsters and/or whores. They just want to see how many filthy trashcans they can stick their deformed pricks inside of. I simply hate this world and a lot of the people in it.

People fight with me over everything. They want a refund even though the fucking terms of service agreement, they agreed to, states they cant have one.

People that can not even speak mother fucking English call their fucking lawyers because I banned them from my fucking forums because they can't take a frivolous flame conversation to private exchanges. I hope you are fucking deported you son of a bitch. This country would be great if it weren't for no nothing idiots like you. You are too stupid to fucking solve your own problems you have to call a lawyer to hassle me. Why don't you go back to your homeland with its failing economy and do something productive with the flesh god wasted on you? Instead of playing video games about killing people, why don't you help your own country fight its own wars and stop moronically going about threatening to sue someone for no reason at all?

Do any of you fucking realize you are nothing? You hide behind your screen names and lawyers and incoherent emails. I swear on my life, if I ever saw you in real life I would beat the fucking piss out of you, you fucking ignorant, dim witted cunt.

Can you believe that this bothers me so much? All these little things literally make me cringe. I tense up and all I can think about is how much I fucking hate everyone.

This kid almost threw an ice ball at my car. Oh yeah, he was also complete ghetto trash. Sure, I'm not racist, I hate white people too you know. This was just a near miss. I was .451 seconds away from slamming on my breaks and slamming his ghetto trash face into the curb till his lungs stopped functioning.

This dumb fuck pulled out of a side street when he had a stop sign and stopped in the middle of the road in front of me. Sure, its fun to stop in the middle of the god damned fucking road when on coming traffic is bearing down on you. I could almost taste his blood as I fantasized about stabbing him in the neck with my back porch key on my keychain.

I heard a commercial where a baby cried for 30 seconds before the announcer came on and gave a speech about neglect. All I could think of was shoving a sock in the kids' throat, shutting him the fuck up for good. I can't stand that sound; it is like acid being pored into my ears.

I have no place to vent my anger. I sit in front of this fucking computer all day fielding stupid obvious questions from dumb fuck teenagers that don't know jack shit about computers, yet have to have a gaming clan server because they can not conquer the real life art of making friends so they figure it is easier to befriend 40 year old pedophiles. I sometimes try to explain the way I feel to Sara. I can't say anything I really feel though. All she does is gets mad at me because I insult some other human being. I am sorry I feel like this toward others. I wish I could just prance around ignorant to the fact that the world is full of complete fucking fools. I wish I could turn a blind eye to all that is annoying and hypocritical in life. The fact is I can't. It is becoming increasing harder and harder to function. Day by Day I feel as though I am slipping away. I fear one day when someone does something to me, I will lose it and do something incredibly immoral.

I hate everyone

/angst

Understanding.

Crazy stuff man. I don't even know where to even begin about this week. It's just been awful. I don't even know why exactly it was that incredibly bad, it just feels like I want to stick my hand down someone throat and rip out their lungs so they don't waste one more second of my time. People are getting to me. I have this standard that I hold people to. I like people that present themselves well. They know how to speak properly, have good typing skills, know how to express them selves. Lately all I have encountered is complete mindless idiots that can't even put their thoughts together. How old were you when you learned to write, first or second grade maybe? Apparently the public school system has yet again failed. I am going to start requiring people to take IQ test before they are allowed to speak with me. It's not that I have this big plutocratic persona. I just hate ignorance, and this world is a breeding ground for it.

It was such a great day outside yesterday. My paragraph transitions are priceless, aren't they? Sunny, 79 degrees, everything seemed to be going my way. Had sex, got my new KEYBOARD AND MOUSE, got EXODIA. A new SmallVille was on too, but it was stupid. Clark should just ‘pork' Luna and get it over with. I couldn't even begin to deal with the sexual frustrations he must be having. angst I also bought 2 new shirts at the mall. I don't really like wasting money on clothes, but Sara made me.

New Deck #2

Since the Sony deck was brighter than the face of the sun, I am returning it. I bought the deck you see above. I got it off eBay for $255 and it sells for $300 in stores.

If you go to the EBay auction The most important feature:

Display Dimming: This unit is equipped with a wire that Kenwood calls an illumination lead, however, it acts as a dimmer lead. When the illumination wire of this unit is connected to the headlamp circuit of your vehicle, and you turn your lights on, the display will dim to a preset level. The display brightness is not affected by the vehicle's dimmer control.

Contrast Adjustment: The display contrast may be adjusted from "1" up to "10" for optimum readability.

Fucking A! I can actually write this off as a business expense, thus taking about 30% off the top. I love the government. GO USA!

You lose.

I will start this post out with a picture.

People cheering in the streets, yelling, laughing all was heard. They found what they were looking for. Torture rooms, chemical weapons, rich palaces while people were starving in the street. All I can think of is the mislead peace hording fools. All they wanted was ‘peace', they didn't care that this was all happening. They would make you believe that Bush was wrong, and this dictator that killed his own people for no just reason was the ‘misunderstood one'. If you were against the war, you were against making the Iraqi people free. You were against stopping the man from killing thousands of people. You have no excuses, saying ‘I am against the war and destroying a nation' is great. Except, when this nation is a nation of fear and death, then this means what? Does that mean you are for a nation that kills its own people? For a nation that controls its people by having them fear them and killing people they love?

Well whatever, I sincerely hope you enjoy this. No one will ever take you seriously again.

Sara 3.0

Matt: if I pay 50 dollars, can I get you upgraded?
Sara: the going price is 150
Sara: sorry
Matt: ok ill pay
Matt: and I will delete the Random Mood changing software. Ok?
Sara: Sara 3.0 won't be out till summer, but you can reserve your copy for an extra $20
Matt: ok! Is the RMC software gone this version? And will the new version include an increased sex drive?
Sara: we're still working on it. Unfortunately, the rmc is integral to the functioning of Sara. We're not sure if it can be removed. The increased sex drive, in beta testing, has not gone very well.
Sara: in fact, Sara exploded.
Matt: Can I just buy the lower half of her then?
Sara: parts are not sold separately
Matt: fuck
Sara: version 3.0 of Sara will be more aesthetically pleasing, however.
Sara: and she will come with more outfits
Matt: Did you increase/decrease her cup size? Sara 2.0's D cup was a welcomed upgrade
Sara: that has stayed the same, but with her new outfits, 3.0's cup size will be much more enhanced.
Matt: Gee golly! I will buy TWO! My fantasies have come true!
Sara: good! We're running a deal right now, actually. You can reserve 2 copies of Sara 3.0 for a mere $30.
Matt: How much for a bottle of lube?
Sara: you must act quickly though, supplies are running low. Sara is a pretty hot commodity these days.
Sara: Sara 3.0 does not come with lube.

Sofa King

I was searching over eBay the other day looking for some cards. I found myself looking into some of my old friend's eBay profiles seeing if they are bidding n anything. As I looked I came up on Bonnie's profile. She was wasting her money on Windows 98 SE. I emailed her and notified her that she should really get on the 21st century bandwagon and stop installing dated operating systems. Then she went on to say how her PC sucks and she wants to get an alien ware P4 3 GHz machine in the future. I emailed her this thing about how she's a complete idiot for wanting to buy a shitty Intel chip when AMD makes better chips for half the money. I hate these pseudo computer enthusiasts. They think clock speed is the end all be all of processors. I have an update for you, it's not. You are Sofa King ignorant.

Sara and I are searching for a vacation destination. We both want some place cheap yet fun and exciting. At first Myrtle Beach sounded neat. Then we saw it takes 16 hours to get there. I just want to go to some beach where I can show off my hot body and increase my self esteem by a few points.

I brought my car to Honda to get the gas mileage thing looked at. 20 miles to the gallon sucks. Especially when I am suppose to get 29. We shall see what is up when I get my car back. They are also going to buff out that half inch invisible scratch on the bumper from when that cunt hit me.

Heaven is where the heart is.

I was driving down in the park today. It was about 6:00 so it was almost dark. I was making a turn when this ghetto super wigger walks directly in front of my car while I am going about 20 MPH. I didn't even see him because he was walking straight then out of nowhere turns and walked across the street in front of me. When a pulled a hard right to get out of the way, I scared the shit out of him. I swear you could almost see the urine on the ground. I would have hit him and kept going, but there was a cop there.

My Yugioh dragon deck is complete. I am officially not spending anymore fucking money on that game. I should focus my funds on more useful things, such as dildos and nipple clamps mmmmmmmmm.

Nick and I found a hidden adult theme in Yugioh. I was shocked, amazed, and turned on all at the same time.

Yugioh – XXX.jpg

I got accepted to the college I applied to! I felt remotely good about myself. Getting into this well known school was hard. I knew a few people high up in the college, so that didn't hurt either. In 2 years I will officially have my B.S. Degree in Computer Information Systems.

Everything comes around full circle, even this post. I was driving down town today when I took a turn on a side street. Some waste of flesh put a glass bottle in the middle of the road and I ran over it. I immediately stopped my car in the middle of the road and got out and proceeded to kick and throw glass at every parked car within 20 feet. I smashed this one car window then ran back in my car and took off. I was really angry and I just lost it. Alas, only the first 3 sentences aren't a fallacy, but whatever.

I was hiding away from myself, away from you

Spring break starts tomorrow. What a joy it is to not go to class for a week. I get to do all the things I don't normally do when I have class. This entails more masturbating, more lonely hours playing video games with 13 year olds and counting the seconds till my miserable life is finally over.

The War is everywhere. I am not even going to comment or share my feelings because no one cares. I am not going to lower myself just so I have to defend myself to you tree hugging bastards that want to ass fuck Saddam for peace. World peace is a dream that is utterly an absurd concept in the real world. Maybe in happy Girl Scout cookie fairy land everyone dances around the robust cherries candy trees and hold hands and smile, but not in the real world. The real world is filled with aggressors and hate. I didn't make the rules, I just observe them.

Is it me, or are complete fucking idiots invading the internet. I can't even play a video game without 12 year olds saying ‘lolo fag wtf u fuken shoot m3 4 bitch! I fuken pwn u AHAhh!' Why aren't parents even remotely watching their children on the internet? I can't help but accidentally go to their webpages. I am bombarded with such intellectual blogs as:

“hi yuz! What iz up yo! I ben thinken bout Jermone for dayz now! He iz tha fucken phat bomb! He haz nice arm mussles and he look so fine mm mm. I wuz chillen at da mall wit my girlly girls. We were ben mad trippen walken down da isle benen like ‘YO WUZ UP YO HOME SLICE!' it wuz good. Whan we wuz walken I saw Jermone agin, damn he iz fine! I woodn't mind benin hooked up wit him in da bed rooom loll1! N E WAYZ my mama be cummen up to yellz at me 4 beining online at nite. So I B goen now! bi and remember, do not B trippen U playhatters1 piece out home slicez.”

College Essay

In the world of business, there are many different rules that define basic transactions within corporations. The most important transaction, however, is the interaction between the company, and the client. Business ethics, which is an important factor in this interaction, can be defined in many ways. It is the ability to do the right thing in situations of complexity, the willingness to go out of your way to help others in need, as well as the act of maintaining professionalism at all time. Without business ethics, there would be few businesses that are able to maintain a client base.

Six months ago, I started my own business which deals in game servers on the internet. Luckily, I seemed to have found my niche. After researching all other businesses in this field, and getting a feel for the client base I would like, I felt I had a good understanding of what needed to be done in order to keep a successful company running. Not only was the monetary situation a major priority, a keen sense of customer service also topped the list of the most important aspects of the business. I needed to build a client base of people, and the only way I knew how to do that, was to offer them the services they needed – game servers, which would allow them to play video games on the internet – with a solid customer support service.

Business ethics is an important component of any business, but I have found that for me, it is particularly important to adhere to principal. I made a personal goal to myself to create the most successful business I was able to, as well as to provide the best quality in services and support to my clients.

Over all in business settings, focus is more on profitability than customer service. It is unfortunate to see that businesses are more concerned with making money than they are providing quality to their consumers. Even if the company prospers, how long will it be until customers who have been treated poorly spread the word that the business is not to be trusted? In order to be successful and surpass the first year of business, it is imperative to create a professional relationship with your clients.

Businesses today use the measuring stick of profitability. There needs to be a shift to the thinking of total utility for the social community in order to weigh business decisions. Opponents would argue that this is a long term plan that requires too many radical changes in the face of business. Also, there is no way that an industry wide standard can be set since there are too many types of corporations. Plus, companies have different needs and every moral rule is subjective according to the type of business that everyone conducts.

In response, I would argue that although there are no industry standards that are feasible, it is possible for every company to examine their practices as well as the attitudes of their employees. There will be companies that find that they are doing fine with employees that are aware of their moral values.

Business ethics are important to any business that hopes to deal with customers successfully. I have found that, for me, focusing first on the customer's needs and concerns keeps them coming back. Instead of being primarily concerned with capital, corporations should instead be focused on creating quality services, which will, in turn, make them even more profit.

I'm just gonna fucking hit her in the face

I just downloaded this song I've been wanting to hear and I'm happily listening to it and out of nowhere I hear this dial tone right in the middle of the song. When did I fucking step into bizarro world where that is acceptable? I'm sorry but what kind of [Insert vulgarity here] would waste time doing this? Why bother inserting a dial tone? Why not something that is actually funny like ‘I'm looking at gay porno' or something. According to the Center for Disease Control, the average American lives to be 77 years old. Why would you waste 15 minutes of that time attempting to piss people off that just want to hear a goddamn fucking song illegally?

I went to the Yugioh tournament today. I got paired with this 16 year old. It's all best of 3, so the first game was normal. I won it without much effort at all. When I played him the second time, I whipped the urine soaked mall floor with him. Final score was 8000 to ZERO. The second kid I played had ADD or something similar. He talked really fast and kept moving around. It was making me nervous. I was about to punch him in the face and inject Ritalin in his neck. That game was a mess. I lost both games. The kid had a few good cards that I didn't. Doesn't matter; I am buying some cards that will come in handy next week. All in all, it was a good time had by all.

I don't want to feel this way forever.

Random word time again kiddies! In an effort to get more hits I am going to randomly say a shit load of words. Ready?

Matt Kelly is a fucking cunt cock ass pussy hardcore sex xxx bitch cum shot facial anal hard butt rape BDSM toys dildo strippers casino twat clit twat foot nose greek to me webquest sarabear wall hacks best cheats working updated SOF2 CS RTCW wall hack aim bot bots botz hackz warez loonix security tip help IIS lava lamp bear sex hairy old men fucking car beer best radio war iraq bombs peace love hate nothing sheep Yugioh online play yugioh official site card game Finial Fantasy 7 8 9 10 11 cactaur cactuar wakka cloud strife square circle triangle worms free porn thumbs bonnie mooney is a dog fucker shit hell damn it monitor hell heaven death geeno ardon mattmrhat spectre1337 descrypt bottle jar fbi cia missing found prison assrape bang banging hentai thumbs clips movies pics pictures video card sound cpu hard heavy wet skinny hot naked nude desk pothole pot

drugs with free shipping lamp post car alarm on the bridge that is wrapped around the bike driven away with a book that makes mail bombs for the children to protect their teddy bears that cant go to war with the umbrellas because of the pink rail road supermarkets that sell hate in the front window of the airplane with a phat smile winking at the sex slave across the isle of a shopping cat filled with bodies that crumble under the wicked sweaty lights of the underpass with the angry anti-war bums that are against aristocratic meetings in the dark and with knife pointing at the sun and kicking the chairs of the oppressed in the face of democracy a faint cry is heard in the back alley of a large box that is covered with the smell of killing babies in the arms of the child molesting parents that care about the person who they want to be instead of the skeletons in the closet of the ghost of the ghoul that lives in their soul and eats them a little each day and they live and sickly breed and waste their sperm on another towel that is cleansed of all feeling and remorse. The end is now, and now is the end.

Understanding in a car crash

This Saturday I am entering the Yugioh tournament. I already have my hot little cheerleaders coming. Hopefully I won't get wiped out by some 12 year old. The only thing that I am concerned with is swearing around little kids. I have a tendency to swear often. I can't let slip “Fuck! You little shit! I'm gonna fucking break into your room at night. Hide under your bed and stab you from the underside till you and Mr. Tuggles die. Now, you sure you want to make that move?”

I went to a computer show Sunday. I bought this cool case for $50 with a 400 watt power supply. See below:

Here.| | |Here2.


I realized something recently. I've been thinking of my ex-girlfriend. I have been comparing her to my current girlfriend. I now see that I never even really liked her. I had no idea what love felt like. I didn't know what it was ever like to truly like someone for who they were. I feel like all the 3 years I was with her were a waste. Not a waste in the way an unwanted fetus is to a teenage couple. More like a waste of my time and affections. If anything, I learned a lot about what things not to do in a relationship. You know, cheating, insults, fighting, bitch slapping and heavy anal. Sara (sorry for saying this following a sentence with the word ‘anal' in it) is just simply a better person. In every aspect I can possibly think of. I'm glad I dropped that dead weight and found someone I actually care about and like to spend time with.

In the spirit of this post:

Yugi -OH!

Jamikaze: update your blog
Jamikaze: I need more anger

Why ok Mr. Jamsandy!

I started playing the card game Yugioh! It's a great game; it beats the piss out of Magic the Gathering. I have so much time and money to waste; I might as well dump it all here.

I'm going to the Yugioh Tournament this Saturday at the mall. I'm not playing, my deck is still too weak, but I'm getting there.

To be honest, nothing has happened as of late that has made me incredibly angry. Everything is going swell, I'm making tons of money, having fun playing cards, getting laid every other day. I officially have nothing to bitch about. Damn it, I'm losing my touch. I'll make sure ill start some trouble in my next post. More naked pictures of Tal's whale girl friend coming up!

I am the real Matt Kelly.

I am Matt Kelly. I am the one the only true real Matt Kelly. It is painfully evident because I own the website. In any case, I know of another Matt Kelly. He lives a state away. Recently, he told me a story, a story of an over obsessed parent calling him on the phone and yelling at him because she thought my site was his site. From what I hear, this lady has a kid. She is in 8th grade and is some kind of little slut. She was going around telling people she fucked Matt Kelly and some other kid ‘finger banged' her. Now, I don't condone pedophiles or anything having to do with such a sick act. Matt Kelly is not a pedophile. He never did anything to this little pseudo-whore she claims he did.

I would like to address the mother directly.

Hello, what's your name? I think you are a complete and utter fool. Are you that completely stupid that you would think my site is at all related to the other Matt Kelly? Well, I will talk slower for you, because it's obvious you are a mental super hero. If you do any sort of ‘whois' query on this webpage you will find that my base of operation is in New York. Secondly, if you even looked at my page you would see a picture in my history of my license. Now, it clearly shows my date of birth. So unless the other Matt Kelly is 21, 6'2 and lives in New York you are wrong. At this point in time, I would like to make the humble recommendation of slitting your wrists. This way, you can't burden the world with your blind aggression toward every male because your daughter is filthy, dirty, cum guzzling little slut.

Lastly, I would like to congratulate you. I am amazed that such filth and degraded scum found a mate and bred offspring. Thank you so fucking much for passing your genes onto another generation. I always liked to think that the lesser humans, such as your self, would eventually be weeded out by natural selection. I stand this day corrected.

Who's cat is that?

I had to drive around today and get transcripts so I can transfer to a 4 year school next semester. A transcript can be defined as a piece of white paper with grades on it that is put in a little white envelope and sealed. I had no problem at my current school, they charged me three dollars, gave it to me, and sent me on my way. After that I stopped at Sara's house for some ‘quality time' then we were off to Sage College to pick up my other transcripts.

When we got there, there were three women sitting at desks gossiping at whatever it is the fuck 30 year old pre-Menopausal cunt secretions talk about. I asked the manly looking one for a transcript form and request it be given directly to me instead of mailed. She goes on how it takes 3 to 5 business days to process a transcript and how they would mail it to me. What the shit? Some man woman couldn't walk over to a computer and print out a simple fucking copy of my grades and shove it in an envelope? Of course not, she and her cuntastic friends were discussing how to come over their increasingly apparent bald spots.

After I dropped Sara off at work I went to Siena, more of the same. Bonnie goes to that school, I could never get why. Siena is full of elitist preppy people. Bonnie lives in a trailer in Fultonville (farm country). It just doesn't make sense!

My evil, but good looking, counter-part was recently mistaken for me. Here is the conversation from earlier today.

EvilMattKelly(4:21:02 PM): one of my "girl"friends mom's called the other day and bitched at me for 30 mins telling me what a sick fuck i was, i just mmhmmm'ed in assureance that eveerything she said was true, she told me to eat shit and die and then hung up. i later found out from ashley that her mom went to mattkelly.com and thought that was me. :-D
MattMrHat (4:21:13 PM): i am matt kelly
EvilMattKelly(4:21:20 PM): very true
MattMrHat (4:21:42 PM): WTF
MattMrHat (4:21:49 PM): are you fucking serious
EvilMattKelly(4:21:49 PM): yeah
EvilMattKelly(4:21:53 PM): was fricekn amazing
MattMrHat (4:21:58 PM): ROFL@@@@@@@@@22
EvilMattKelly(4:22:00 PM): i wish i coudl have recorded it
MattMrHat (4:22:03 PM): what post was it?
EvilMattKelly(4:22:15 PM): something about a neighbor blowing soemthign up
EvilMattKelly(4:22:21 PM): it was all pretty garbled
MattMrHat (4:22:38 PM): OH
MattMrHat (4:22:50 PM): the...
MattMrHat (4:22:57 PM): parking ticket?
EvilMattKelly(4:23:06 PM): maybe...
MattMrHat (4:23:06 PM): when i parked on the wrong side of the street?
MattMrHat (4:23:07 PM): OR
MattMrHat (4:23:14 PM): when i got hit by that car
MattMrHat (4:23:17 PM): and i was swearing
EvilMattKelly(4:23:19 PM): yeah
EvilMattKelly(4:23:21 PM): hit the car
EvilMattKelly(4:23:21 PM): haha
MattMrHat (4:23:23 PM): prolly that one
EvilMattKelly(4:23:23 PM): that the one
EvilMattKelly(4:23:27 PM): a long string of obsenities
MattMrHat (4:23:50 PM): "I immediately jumped out of the car and said, and I quote, “WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHER FUCKING ASSHOLE!? ARE YOU FUCKING STUPID YOU GOD DAMNED CUNT! I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU JUST FUCKING HIT MY CAR YOU FUCKING WASTE OF FLESH!”

"
EvilMattKelly(4:23:59 PM): HHAHAGHAHHAHAHAHAH
EvilMattKelly(4:24:10 PM): i am aroused, seriously, that soudn just liek last night
MattMrHat (4:24:17 PM): http://www.mattkelly.com
MattMrHat (4:24:20 PM): but look
MattMrHat (4:24:25 PM): then i have that pic of my license
MattMrHat (4:24:31 PM): and it says im 21
MattMrHat (4:24:43 PM): i doubt you're even close to being that old
EvilMattKelly(4:24:44 PM): well its photshopped, she might think that was me
EvilMattKelly(4:24:46 PM): well what the fuck
EvilMattKelly(4:24:50 PM): it says fucking new york
MattMrHat (4:25:01 PM): but the DOB is 1982
EvilMattKelly(4:25:05 PM): what a twat secretion
MattMrHat (4:25:09 PM): hahaha

What the shit?

I got my second car payment bill thing in the mail today. I saw this $40 interest charge. After screaming ‘fuck' really loud, I remembered my finance charge was 1.9%. I called Honda, after waiting on the phone for 20 minutes I get this chick that could have doubled as a phone sex operator ask me ‘How she could help me?' I could think of a few ways off the top of my head, but I had to stay true to my objectives. She told me that the 1.9% was monthly. Nothing, not even the obvious, ever escapes me, but this time one slipped by. 1.9% a month is 22.8% APR. What the shit is with that? I owe SIXTEEN THOUSAND FOUR HUNDRED TWENTY DOLLARS AND SIXTEEN CENTS on my car still. I just ran into some major money, so I'm putting 4 grand on it next month.

I was watching the ‘T' ‘V' this afternoon and all I see is those stupid anti-war protestors. I wish they would at least think about the future before raising up their pink anti-war banners. All I have to say is WHAT WAR?! You think if we bomb them they will fight back? The ‘war' will last 2 days. Does anyone remember Desert Storm? The Iraq military gave up. What do you think, all of a sudden in 6 years they grew a new fearless army of super soldiers that can have sex with 68 women and at the same time kill an entire US platoon? They think a victory is secretly sneaking terrorists on a plane and driving it into a building. Never mind a few months later we wiped out their entire governmental system, they WON!

Everyone has forgotten ‘9-11'. Remember the days after? Everyone wanted to beat the fuck out of any Paki or any person that remotely sympathized with them. Now a year and a half later we have forgotten that anger and hate and need 56 trillion articles to prove we need to go in there and destroy them. In my expert opinion, war is needed.

We need gas for 15 cents a gallon.

DemoMan: wanna play with me
DemoMan: ?
Matt: I'll pass. I don't like prison

nothing.

Another perfect day spent in the endless abyss of darkness that is my room. The back window in my old car got smashed in. Its irony, I thought it was someone acting out against me and I was making all these counter-strike plans to cause random property damage. Then my dad tells me he bumped into the car and being negative 4,117 degrees below zero out, I can see how it would break.

Now that I am making like a trillion dollars a month literally, I'm moving out. I'm sick of this room and this house. Well not really, I ditched all that teenaged angst (I HATE YOU MOM AND DAD FOREVER) crap a while ago. I think it would be nice to try my hand at being on my own and having sex all the time and stuff. How this is different from how I live now, I don't know.

Kellie totally stole my sweater. Fucking bitch of a whore took it to some strange party.

Matt: dude
Kellie: what
Matt: i told you not to take my sweater
Kellie: i threw up on it and left it at the part...
Kellie: no you def didnt
Matt: i bet you did
Kellie: yeah
Matt: i would fucking literally kick the shit out of you
Kellie: whatever dont freak
Matt: i 'DEF' did ma'am
Kellie: it's fine and sdafe
Kellie: safe*
Matt: that's my security sweater. I can't leave the house without it or i start having fits of uncontrollable depression
Matt: and all i feel like doing is slitting my wrists
Kellie: good
Kellie: maybe i'll be rid of you once and forall
Matt: :-(

Do I make you horny? No, really do I?

What the fuck? I ask myself that same question many times each day. Stupid fucking idiots that amaze me each day, one would hope that natural selection would lay waste to them already. Not the case on Friday. I drove to the mall to get tickets to Dare Devil. I was taking my hot date to it for Valentines Day (thanks for the good time nudge).

As I am driving down one of the parking rows, this bitch ass mother fucking trail trash cunt starts backing up her car in front of me. I stopped and beeped and she kept backing up right into my car. I immediately jumped out of the car and said, and I quote, “WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHER FUCKING ASSHOLE!? ARE YOU FUCKING STUPID YOU GOD DAMNED CUNT! I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU JUST FUCKING HIT MY CAR YOU FUCKING WASTE OF FLESH!” After this quite unique display of my mastery of the wondrous English language, the bitch tells me to calm down. I told her to write down her insurance information. Then she has the nerve to ask me for a piece of paper. Biting my lip I reply “No, I don't have a fucking piece of paper” I couldn't talk after that, I was too angry.

There is no damage to the car at all. A few TINY paint marks. You wouldn't even notice them unless I pointed them out. Never the less I need to go to Honda and get an estimate. This cunt is going to pay for this.

I got my new license in the mail:

Blarg

I have nothing to talk about. I've been really busy with work. It's hard to do or think about anything else. I just think I take it way too seriously.

I got bought new custom tail lights for my car. I will have pictures when they come in.

I leave with my favorite quote of all time:

"Posting my number on there was really mature- it shows your ignorant, immature mentality; one that is, consequently, necessary for all of the immature things you do, including date a little girl." -Bonnie

21 and over.

My birthday is today. I am 21. The best part is now I can call those over 21 ‘1-900' sex lines. I often pondered what the women talk about differently in the over 21 lines from the over 18 lines. My guess is everything R Kelly and Tom Miller were into.

I was surprised no one called me today. I was at least expecting Bonnie to call me and go “Hi Matt, Happy Birthday, did you hear I'm engaged!?” all in one sentence. I mean if you are stupid enough to marry someone you have known for 6 months, you are stupid enough to do anything bestiality. I didn't even get any threatening calls anymore. I need to start working harder to upset people. Call me honey, I miss you!

This is what my parents got me for my birthday:

Did you see Smallville tonight? Lonna is a complete idiot. I can't believe she didn't understand the fact that they were being controlled by the little scorpion things. Complete bullshit if you ask me. The plot would be so much better if Clark and Lonna actually dated. Yet another plot hole the size of an Iraq missile solo.

Fuck it, blame Canada.

21 years of nothing.

Another year older, tomorrow, I will be 21 years old. I'd like to take this opportunity to reflect and then later, show off my new pants.

In 1982, on the hottest day in Iranian history, Matthew Kelly was born. Born into a rich family that dealt in oil farming and illegal imported weapons from Russia, Matt quickly made his mark on the world. As a child, he would blissfully play in the oil fields and danced around land mines and the corpses of the men that defied his father's demands. As he got older, his love for the people of Iran grew and grew. He fought for their independence. In 1998 his long fight had come to an end when Iraq and the Jews infiltrated his home base in the Iran capital and declared same sex marriages legal. Soon after this, he defected to the United States to escape the cock. This brings us to the current day. Matt runs a successful internet company and does not respect the cock.

Sara bought me some great clothes for this land mark occasion. Here is me (showing off my muscles) in my new pants.

Lastly, you need to go download “Tatu - All The Things She Said”. This song is amazing. It's all about these to under-aged lesbians that kiss and have sex. Watch the video as well.

War!

War has begun. Screw Iraq and the Middle East. Fuck the Economy and the Nationial Debt. Some asshole mother fucker called the cops on me because I parked my car on the wrong side of the street. I have a plan, a plan for war. Let's go over the plans of action.

What we know so far:

1. Monday 18:00 to Tuesday 18:00 all cars must be parked on the even side of the street.
2. 90% of the inhabitance of this street consist of foreigners and the elderly.
3. Someone on the street is calling the police on me.

Here is a break down of the current topography of the street (Brought to you by MS Paint):

Now, next Monday night will see the first wave of attacks. The Allies will be positioned in the southeastern quadrant using the darkness and Ms.Clarkson's blue city mandated recycle bin for cover. While the Axis powers will be stationary in the northern quadrant, this surprise attack on the motionless target cars on the road will prove to be successful. This diagram illustrates the plan of attack:



As you can see, the X's indicate the cars that will be hit. Our strike objectives are to put really deep key marks in the doors of the enemies. Of course I understand some innocents will be harmed in this campaign, but I, Matthew Kelly, firmly believe that putting an end to communism this injustice will better the world. This is what I envision the victory to look like:

Is it his brown eyes?

I was watching that movie ‘High Fidelity' with that guy, and that other guy whose name I don't know. I really related to the characters. This being the second time I saw this movie.

In the one scene, the main characters love interest breaks up with him and starts dating the guy that lived above the apartment they were renting. She used to laugh at how loud he had sex and his bad taste in music and such. Ironic I thought. Here you have a person that dislikes someone, mocks them and such, then turns around and dates/sleeps with them.

I remember this happening to me. I had a best friend for about a year. We ‘broke up' and my girl friend at the time said horrid things about him. Then, fast forward 2 years, she sleeps with him. It was quoted as a ‘weird relationship'. I never understood that. Here you have a guy that never graduated high school, doesn't have a job, no prospects for the future. He was caught slashing the tires of his ex-girlfriends car and setting the back seat on fire. Even after all that, you would grant him the privilege of having sex with you? My my, personal standards of some people are amazingly low. I rather watch my cat hump the sofa pillows than to imagine how you could lower yourself to that level. Makes slitting my wrists look like playing Candy Land.

SHUT UP

Client: so how does it feel to be an owner
Client: how old are u?
Matt: super
Matt: 21
Client: how could u be an owner at 21?
Matt: uh
Client: started the company ur self
Client: or what?
Matt: yes
Client: it says on ur info
Client: that ur broke
Matt: no it doesnt
Client: yes it does
Client: imhalfretard: im literally broke
Matt: no it doesnt
Matt: Thats someones screen name
Client: dude
Matt: DUDE
Client: imhalfretard: im literally broke
Matt: start an internet company
imhalfretard: yeah sure why dont I just Matt my way through life

Matt: and?
Client: thats ur get info thing
Client: ur broke it says
Matt: what is your point
Client: lol are u?
Matt: imhalfretard IS ONE OF MY FRIENDS
Matt: HE IS BROKE
Client: oh
Matt: I TOLD HIM TO START AN INTERNET COMPANY
Matt: THEN HE MADE A JOKE
Matt: k
Client: what was the joke?
Matt: nm...
Client: oh i get it
Client: lol
Client: my bad
Client: so whats up man
Matt: nothing
Client: do anything fun in ur company?
Matt: aside from the strippers and 'Casual sex fridays', no.
Client: sounds fun
Matt: Not really
Client: what do u do in ur company sit around and talk to ppl likeme
Client: so u dont like ur job?
Matt: Talking to people like you is the highlight of our day here at Elucid Systems
Client: lol
Client: no for real
Matt: ya 4 real homes
Client: u must not hav emany highlights
Client: lol
Matt: this one time, I dropped a cup of coffee in the hall, and we LAUGHED for hours
Client: how many ppl with u?
Matt: 7
Client: they all bored?
Client: so they all host servers
Matt: Bill, Billy Bob, Joanna, Billy Bo Bob, Cirus, Cletus and Sally
Client: what the hell is up with bill
Client: u live in arkansas?
Matt: Texas
Client: oh
Client: i used to live in san antonio
Client: u guys in dalas or something?
Client: dallas
Matt: I live in newyork
Client: hey dude have to go
Client: ill catch up with u tomorrow
Matt: ok man! Peace out home slice

!

I normally hit these peaks. Nothing really happens for a few months, and then all of a sudden a lot of stuff happens all at once. For example today!

When I got out of class and stepped into the -12 degree cold. I was so cold my nipples could cut glass! While walking to my car, I am beeped at by another car. Oh. My. God. It's Heather! She motions me to jump in her car, instantly I can imagine hot sex following this steamy invitation. She was nice enough to give me a ride to my car that was parked 47 miles away in student parking lot ZZ. The odd thing was that she didn't mention anything about that voice news post I did a few weeks back. I didn't bring it up because I felt like a complete dick for doing that in the first place. Heather and I had a few fights in the past, but I really think she is a good person. Quite rare and infrequent these days. Hopefully I made a decent friend for once.

I totally dig reality TV. I was watching ‘Meet the Folks' tonight on NBC. That show is awesome. They brought all the chicks Ex-Boyfriends on and they were great. I couldn't even have written a better monologue for them. The one girl got bashed to hell. She got her friends to ‘hack' (such a relative term) his computer and get his bank statements to stalk him. The parents asked the girl what was up with that and she cried and goes ‘I don't know his guy'. God damn it, it was one of the best TV moments ever. Fuck mans first steps on the moon; I want to see two hot chicks kissing in a hot tub. I want to see girls in bikinis. I want to see tits damn it! I found myself jumping out of my bed because of the utter greatness of this momentous TV experience I was having. It wasn't even the Spice channel and I was into it! Maybe it's not the TV show, maybe I just like females way too much. Either way, ‘Meet the Folks' gets one big third leg up of approval from me!

The needle on my record player had been wearing thin.

I never really got upset. Many things have happened to me in the past that really don't bother me. You would think that ending a 3 year relationship and being unfaithful would faze me. Eh, not really. You would think that starting a company with a partner then bailing on him and taking all the clients because he was a waste of human flesh would at least get me upset. If you thought that, you'd be wrong. I really can't get upset easily.

Maybe I should start caring more about the little things people do to me. Maybe I should feel some sort of remorse for all the stuff I do to hurt others feelings. Eh, why start now? After a while, time starts to set in. Sometimes I try to remember all the names of the kids in my grade school. It's funny, the kids that were my friends, the kids that I hated; I can't even remember their names. I still think a lot about the past. What happened and how one thing lead to another and here I am today. I made a lot of mistakes, and I'm sure I will make a lot more in the future. The whole kiddie porn phase was a really dark time for me. And especially the whole situation with Mr. Chuckles, how could I recover that?

All the emotional nullification goes both ways. I'm never really happy or excited. Although, I really did enjoy going on the roller coasters at Busch Gardens with Sara. The occasional forum post also excites me. The thought of Tom Miller putting his hot little hands all over my cock just so completely does it for me. Ah, I need to clean up this mess I made just from thinking about it.

Speaking of which, (not really but ok) my last post was a little over the top. I agree that Tal's man of a girl friend is so completely sickening naked that I have to edit it in some way. People were actually begging me to get it the hell off the site because the INS was about to deport Amanda back to West Africa to where she belongs, amongst the apes and other small fat hairy creatures.

Speaking of Apes, (not really but ok) this post is incredibly long. I don't remember the purpose or direction I wanted to take it. Anyway, I do whole heartedly apologize for the naked pictures, next time I see Tal, I will be sure to tell him his girlfriend is incredibly hot, not hot like Tia Bella, more like hot and wet like a big fucking pig in the middle of the summer that eats its own shit.

Hats off to you, your desperate search for any animal to pleasure you has come to an end

It's snowing!

What a wonderfully wondrous day to be alive. I was in the mall to pick up my protein packs (mmm) and I saw a large clump of fat and hair. I go to my self ‘O – M –G! IT'S TAL AND CORY!' Needless to say I tried to engage in a conversation and all I got was Tal's pseudo-intellectual mockery and the ‘I'm better than you' rant. He was mentioning how his hot girlfriend Amanda (see below) was having fun putting my head on Cactaur. I was almost on the floor laughing at how utterly funny that witty funny thing was! I mean putting my head on Cactaur? That is just too witty and creative; I almost pissed in my pants with envy.

Through the miracle of modern day genetics, I have teamed up with the top researchers at David P. Booth University to take both Tal and Amanda's DNA and put it together to see what their children would look like. This complicated procedure took our team 3 weeks of long nights and vomiting after seeing the out come..

Here is Amanda:

This burly woman has brought pornography back 100 years when fat women were actually sought after.

Here is Tal:



This hairy living Neanderthal man is a perfect specimen of what man looked like 30,000 years ago. Dandruff and all!

This is the result of our trails and tribulations.

She looked 18.

School starts tomorrow. I am only taking two classes this semester, Operating Systems and Web Programming with PHP.

I went to see my ‘personal trainer' today. This guy looks like he could rip my body in three pieces. I have to start gaining weight. I won't get fat; the fat will be instantly converted into muscle. I have a strict work out plan, and by the summer I will be able to drive to your house in my new car and kick the fuck out of you. Rock on.

This is Kellie. She is my new girlfriend. She's easy

alligator alligator alligator

I just got back from vacation. I will tell you my thoughts on the good state of Florida.

First of all, I never knew this before, but Florida is one big swamp. From the air all you see is swamp areas all over the place. Even while driving on the ground, every single low lying area is filled with water. Not clean water mind you, alligator and raw-sewage-ridden water.

Another note: Florida consists of two kinds of people, old people and hicks. Every where you turn there is a retirement community. At every mall, flee market, restaurant, there was nothing but 50+ seniors. Maybe I was visiting the wrong part of Florida, but I at least expected big-breasted, barely dressed, 20-something college co-eds. Just my luck, I get stuck with 80 year olds that mistake their bottle of Preparation-H for makeup.

Disney was nothing like I remember it when I was a kid. Seems a lot smaller and cheesier. Every ride was sponsored by some major company. I was bombarded with company propaganda. I couldn't piss without seeing a Kodak, Sony or IBM logo over the dirty urinal. Four dollars for a hotdog is also a bit over priced.

On the other hand, when we went to Busch Gardens, that place was 10 fold better than Disney. 5 rollercoaster's and 2 water rides and a slue of random animals all caged in a 5 square mile area is awesome. The food and atmosphere was top notch as well.

I had the pleasure of driving a golf cart around a retirement community where all the houses looked exactly the same. They had a hot tub though. Oh yes my friends, fun was definitely had in there *WINK*.

Busch Gardens gets the nothing stamp of approval.

In my new car.

This is my first voice post. If you are too lazy to read, or simply can't read because of an injury sustained from incessant masturbating, I will read to you.

Click here for goatse.cx the voice post.

Heather, I thank you for calling me. I was nice that you were concerned about my health and my new car. Do you like my new car? All my friends think I'm cool like cancer in my new car. I would like to invite you for a ride in my new car. My girlfriend also would like you to come for a drive with us in my new car. Many wondrous things can happen in my new car. So, please call me again Heather so we can talk, in my new car. I am looking forward to it…in my new car.

Thank you.

Len's girlfriend is hot.

After 3 long years of driving my car (see below) it has finally met its match (punny)!

After much investigation by the local police, I got all the insurance money from my car that exploded! Little do they know of my plan.

First, I got a bunch of strippers piled in the car. Then we drove to the city where we devised a plan to steal a monkey. Not just any monkey, but the Golden Monkey of Doom. We named him Mr. Chuckles for the car ride home. After we got the monkey, we drove back to my house where we hid Mr. Chuckles in my garage with Candy, Heaven and Wet Sally. Only God, Jesus and Mr. Chuckles know what happened in there. After I had everything in place the girls and Mr. Chuckles ran out and started dancing in the street. At this time I set my remote control toy car on fire and drove it under my car. With all the distractions no one noticed the sinister plot unfolding. The car then exploded sending Mr. Chuckles 40 feet in the air. He landed in Candy. How that happened, I'll never tell.

Anyhow, here is my new car.



And here is me making sexual advances toward one of my clients.

Client001: hey whats up its me lucifer
Matt: hi
Client001: hows the server going
Matt: good
Matt: hows your server doing?
Client001: lol
Client001: dunno yet
Matt: Are we talking about the same thing?
Matt: :D
Client001: didnt kno it was up
Client001: is it up
Matt: it was a joke. One of those 'IN-U-END-OW's
Client001: oh i see
Client001: lol

Do you feel the way you hate? Do you hate the way you feel?

Another long year, almost at its end. A lot happened this year. We all saw the rise and fall of D3scrypt and E1uc1d$y$tems. I dumped that loser of a Jew friend, Tal. We saw Bonnie finally out of my life completely. I'm getting a new car after milking my 85 Chevy for almost 3 years. Another year of college has gone by. I finally had anal sex with a 14 year old boy.

I feel as though I grew a lot this year, both mentally and physically. A pivotal year if there ever was one in my life. Keeping a steady balance between everything is hard. Fortunately all is well.

I gave Sara her Christmas presents this afternoon. Seeing the look on the face of a loved one when you gave them something they really wanted makes even me feel extremely happy inside. Tomorrow after I open all my wondrous gifts, I will assemble my super computer. After that I will be shoveling the 18+ inches of snow we are suppose to be getting. All in the spirit of taking a ‘White Christmas' to a whole new level, of course.

That's all for tonight. Just hoping all my friends have a Merry Christmas.

Happy Thursday!

The holidays came around fast this year. I was too busy doing school projects (turning normal table salts into anthrax) to even really notice. Now that school is over, I can finally relax without having to go to class or doing work. I sure will miss the people in my classes. Life won't be the same without the militant African American from my Econ II class threatening to fight people for coughing 2 seats behind him. Even that closet case that swore he fucked two one armed girls in his parent's bed with his cat was on fire will be sorely missed. Next semester I'm only taking a PHP and XML course.

I was reading an old news update I did for this site a year ago. Man, what utter shit. I sounded like some angst filled teenager that was going to start pouring gasoline all over myself and run into a cooking grill or something. I am really too tired to give a shit about what I write about. But ya, I got the AMD XP 2400+ and the main board in the mail yesterday. I also just ordered a new 80gig hard drive. The new Windows server is going to be up tomorrow. I finally get my own Red Faction server. Oh baby, ya baby…ohhhh ahhh yeahhh right there oh oh oh ahhhhhhhh.

Sara and I went out to eat and there was this guy who was eating alone. Red flag right off the bat. What pathetic loser eats dinner by themselves? This guy had a big scar on the side of his head. He looked like he escaped from the hard tough streets of Troy just to make an appearance. The cute waitress brings him his food. As she is walking away he goes, ‘Hey there honey, I got a question for you!' He then proceeds to ask her out. She, like any cold blooded female, told him she had a boyfriend. Then the guy starts saying out loud, ‘Boy! Am I the on single guy on the planet or what guys!?' Yeah you stupid fuck, with that attitude you are lucky you aren't arrested. Instead of begging for a date he should be adding to his already extensive kiddie porn collection. Fucking freak of a man then asks another waitress who in the restaurant is single, because he needs a date. After everyone nervously laughs and got the hell away from him he looked at me and said something. I completely ignored him. Like all lower life forms, if you ignore them they normally go away. I would never have the balls to ask out a random waitress.

--------------------------------------
ICQ History Log For:
00000000 °ºoiLL[nBk]MaTiCoº°
Started on Thu Dec 19 15:30:19 2002
--------------------------------------
[ES]Matt 12/19/20 12:19 PM can i help you

°ºoiLL[nBk 12/19/20 1:23 PM u dont now how sell shit do u

°ºoiLL[nBk 12/19/20 1:23 PM sorry fuk

°ºoiLL[nBk 12/19/20 1:23 PM we got a server for 60 bucks

°ºoiLL[nBk 12/19/20 1:23 PM hah

°ºoiLL[nBk 12/19/20 1:23 PM dum fuk i hope u get fired lol

[ES]Matt 12/19/20 3:26 PM Who are you?

[ES]Matt 12/19/20 3:29 PM 'fuk'? 'dum'?

°ºoiLL[nBk 12/19/20 1:23 PM u dont now how
sell shit do u

Now? Know?

Least I have an education, you moron. Go back
to whatever white trash ghetto you came from
ok? Cool.


Mental super heroes, all of you.

I went outside!

Last night was the Mindless Self Indulgence concert. They are the best live show I've ever seen. This is the second time that I've seen them. When we got there, the place was in the middle of nowhere and had no pavement in the parking lot. It was a big mud bowl. After walking through that we got into the show and the first band was playing. It was hilarious cause the lead singer goes ‘Ok, this is our last song' and the crowd screamed ‘YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHH'. I fell so badly for them.

Anyhow, to avoid the utter shit band that was on next, we waked over to this little enclosed area and sat on table with an ashtray. Five minutes later this cute chick comes over and goes ‘Don't mind me' and puts her cigarette out between Sara's legs were the ash tray just happened to be. That was the highlight of the night right there.

As we sit on the table and blankly look into space there is this guy laying down at my feet. He must have been drunk or something. This girl pulled out a tampon from her bag and started poking him with it. She then proceeded to take it out and throw it at his face. As it ended up, this guy had a tampon lying on his head for about 30 minutes.

We felt so out of place there. The entire population consisted of faggot angst Goths, although I do have a soft spot for hot Goth chicks. This one guy was dressed as a fuzzy cow. Yes, a fuzzy cow. I wish I had the self esteem to do shit like that.

The concert started and it was great. I met up with my friend Len. His girlfriend was there as well. I told Sara this story Len told be last week about him cumming in his girlfriends mouth then he held her nose. Sara told me that was all she thought about when she saw her. Which I thought was quite humorous.

The band was great, didn't seem to have the same energy as the last time I saw them. Len grabbed me and we jumped in the mosh pit. The lead singer jumped in the rafters and started walking around. It was neat. At the end of the show all the band left and the lead singer stayed because they do a encore performance, but this chick got on stage and just collapsed. The pure feeling of hundreds of hot cocks around her must have over whelmed her. Anyway, she was on the stage half dead and the crew just started taking all the equipment down. The great part was the one guy started throwing drum sticks out to the crowd and I got one! All in all a good night.

Here, there and back again.

I returned my LCD monitor. Sad really, it was so sleek and sexy. Instead, I ordered a AMD XP 2400 CPU and a MSI KT333 Ultra-R Main board. This is my last real processor purchase till the Athlon 64 debuts Q2 2003. My hot, hot, hotter than hot girl companion is getting me a LeadTek Ti4600 128 meg video card. That should compliment the system nicely. Bringing my current system configuration to:

AMD XP 2400
MSI KT3 Ultra2-R (Raid) Main Board
(2) 80gig 7200 RPM Hard Drive
(1) 30gig 7200 RPM Hard Drive (backups)
512MB PC2100 DDR RAM
LeadTek WinFast Ti4600 128MB 4x Video Card
16x Plextor CD-RW
40x/16x Hitachi DVD-ROM
Creative Labs Live! MP3+ Sound Card

AND THE CACTAUR CASE

All powered by goatse.cx Windows XP!

I got Christmas tree all up. It looks nice.

Swing Swing Swing

In my latest attempt to revive the slowly fading US economy and help Pat Buchanan get elected and build a fence around the country to keep the crazy (el loco) Mexicans out of the country, I bought a 19" LCD monitor! I know, I sound so socially inept.

$800 later, here I am. This thing is worth more than my car. Which doesn't say much, but at least I can waste away in style.

I am going to get my Christmas tree tomorrow. It's amazing the year has gone by so fast. It seems like just yesterday I was skipping naked in the sprinklers trying to impress the most popular girl in school with my massive wet package. I know she liked me, but she was dating the hottest guy in school and he was the captain of football team. I remember that one night by the lake when she was crying on my shoulder because her overly obsessive girl friends went shopping without her. We had a moment. A moment I will soon never forget. Her blonde hair was waving in the slight off shore lake breeze. Her hand on my leg and my hand on her lower abdomen. That moment seemed to have lasted forever. At that moment I knew we would be friends forever, even if high school was ending and our lives were just beginning. I wanted to freeze that moment in time.

Yo i aint doen dis

We had our economics class presentations today, it was the funniest shit. This 'African American' ghetto guy gets up there and goes 'yo, that other dude be doing my topic! I aint gonna say tha same thang as he did. yo i aint know this paper was gonna be bout ECOnomic or anythang. Gimmie till monday aight? ya i talks to yous after class teach ok?'

My cat licks his own balls and shits in a little box, and he officially has more intelligence than the entire ‘African American' population of my Economic II class. I've been told I am the ‘racist'. That is utter bullshit. How do you expect me not to be? Every single ‘African American' I have come in contact with fits every single stereotype.

All in all it was one of the funniest group presentations I've ever witnessed.

It's that time of year again!

With Thanksgiving finally out of the way, we can all focus on more important things; such as shopping for gifts that people really don't need nor deserve! I know I am incredibly selfish and self-centered, and I doubt I really need/deserve anything. Still, I am asking for a lot this holiday season. After the extreme trials and tribulations I've been through with my laptop, I feel as though it is time for a new one. I think my parents are going to get it for me; not really sure though. My loving and oh so incredibly sexy girlfriend is going to get me a GeForce 4 Ti 4600 video card and I get to have sex with her constantly! Best. Gift. Ever.

Tomorrow I have a mission: I am going to drive all over the city in search of non-WEP wireless networks. Once on, I will post a picture of the location and an IP on the forums. I know; this is what my life has been reduced to, but it's fun.

Microsoft Speech to Text!

Ok, so I though I would try something new. I downloaded this Microsoft Voice recognition thing and see how it worked. This is a sample paragraph that I am typing to actually see if this is hardly is worth the time and effort of setting up. While I'm on this topic, I would like to take a brief moment and talk about the Jews. Jesus was a Jew. In all sincerity I think Geeno is a Jew. That would explain a lot. Finally, I'd like to say that it feels good to be a gangster. Fucking bitches and slapping the hoes all over the hood. Don't come talking trash or I'll jack your car you playa hater. Word up.

OK so I thought I would try something new identity as Microsoft with radiation and consumer this is a Sample Document that I am typing to actually see this time the Harvey were the time and effort of San Juan on this topic I would like to take the moment to talk about the Jews Jesus was it you. In all sincerity I think keynotes into valid explain why. Finally I like to say that it feels good to be a gangster talking pitches and slapping horrors all over the good.com talking trash for all Jack your car you flare hater were off.

Hilter?

I remember this one day, I was sitting in a chair listening to someone talk to me. I was very good friends with this person, and in listening I realized a simple straightforward fact I should have thought of a long time ago. I simply hated this person. I hated the way they looked, what they stood for, the kind of person they were. It was then I came to the realization that love and lust are two complete and separate things.

Lucky for me I told the fat pig to fuck off.

In a completely unrelated story, it seems our good friend Bonnie is back and taking quite an interest in my page! I mean, simply who couldn't love this well thought out and opinionated site? Hitler maybe, and in that comes the focus of my article. I will attempt to find the common link between him and Bonnie. No way in hell, you say? Just watch.

I like taking pictures of things. I will often times randomly snap pictures in the rare hope that something I capture will actually be good. I remember this one day I took this picture that confused me. Take a look at one of Bonnie's shirts:



Hm… That hawk like bird is pretty. I can't really make out what it's holding…



Wow… I never saw that before. I guess I missed all the signs. I always wondered why she was always trying to get me to dye my hair blonde and wear blue contacts.

I have a copy of her senior portrait. I always thought it was great, until I had a closer look.



This was simply shocking. I never thought of her heavy aversion to books and Jews that big of a deal. In retrospect I realize, for years, I dated a full blooded German Nazi.




Sara wants me to say that all of this is not true and she doesn't find it funny. But secertly, on the inside, I think she's laughing too.

Finally :

My laptop is finally fixed. This whole ordeal started September 4th. That is an indication of the incompetence of FedEx.

I finally started work on the wooden case. I bought all the products you see listed below. All except the grills actually. I am going to router built in grills in the shape of Cactaur into the top and front panels. It should look good.

As I type this I am downloading Red Hat 8, again. I left my copies at a ‘friends' house and can't get them till 8 or so. I rather just download them all now than wait 3 hours.

Expect my next post to be super angst filled and stuff.

School sucks.

create table mk314509.airport
(destcode varchar2(20) not null
constraint pk_airport_destcode primary key
constraint ch_airport_destcode
check(destcode=upper(destcode)),
destination char(25) not null
check(destination=initcap(destination)),
city char(20) not null
check(city=initcap(city)),
state char(2)
check(state=upper(state)),
landingfee number(6,2) not null
constraint ch_airport_landingfee
check(landingfee between 75 and 1500),
tiefee number(5,2) not null
constraint ch_airport_tiefee
check(tiefee between 50 and 575),
restrictions varchar(100))
/

die.

I was driving home from my haircut yesterday when my car died. It was great, it wasn't on a normal city street like last time. This time it was on the side of a highway. Luckily I had my cell phone with me. I would have really been screwed without it. After 4 hours it now sits in a random parking lot waiting to be towed. It's not like I can't afford a new car, it's just I rather save the money for when I need it. My car isn't a bad car, all things considered it's a really good car. It just needs some work here and there.

I've been looking around for a Red Faction server. It really sucks that they never made a stand-alone Linux server. THQ really knows how to make their games last. I guess for now (and always) I'll run my server off my home network. I actually rented Red Faction 2 for PS2. Yet, have you ever tried to play a FPS on a console controller? That just doesn't work.

I am planning more for my case. I am going to cut a Cactaur shape in the side of it. Fun.

The Parts:

(2) Red Cold Cathode Lights



(3) 120mm Stainless Steel Fan Grills



(2) Copper Rounded IDE cables 18in.



Grand total: $68

nothing. v3.0

I am sure the many of you that read this page said 'What the fuck is up with the page you cunt?!' about a week ago. Well, with some site ‘issues' like the hard drive spontaneously exploding and Gamer-Pit.com simply being the best site on the net, it's been down. Moving onward, the site design is new. I'm sure you didn't notice, you were too busy typing me hate mail with your fat sausage fingers, weren't you?

Well, let's get on with the pointless comedy, shall we?

I received this in the mail today:



As you can plainly see, it wasn't just my hard earned 12 dollars they were after. After spending hours decrypting this letter I stumbled upon a startling phrase. Block Buster Video is owned by Jews!! This, of course, is a secret plot against myself from the Jewish aggressors.