At least its easier to post with this thing than it was before.
I was going to post this story awhile ago, but just didnt give a shit enough to type it – so here goes.
A few months ago, I dated this girl name ‘Bessie’ (name changed for slander reasons). Bessie was a big annoying sow. Why did I even think about going out with someone like this? I was bored and she had boobs. Anyway, she made her living cutting hair in Harlem and moonlighted as 5’5 displacer of air. She could displace a shit load of air, let me say.
I threw another one of my legendary parties where a bunch of random Arabs show up and hit on all the fat white girls. After she got drunk and subjected graced everyone at the party with a fashion show, I went to bed.
Apparently at some point in the night, I went out to the living room and laid down with one of the other two girls sleeping over (excluding Bessie). As a side note, i am incredibly awesome. I was woken up at 4am with a kick from the girl I was spooning with. Just as I stood up to go back to my bed, Bessie comes walking out of the bedroom and sees this. Trying really hard not to laugh at the situation, I just went back to bed.
15 minutes later, I woke up to Bessie screaming at me ‘WHY THE FUCK WERE YOU LAYING DOWN WITH THAT GIRL AND WHY IS THERE A HALF EMPTY BOTTLE OF KY ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND?!’ Of course this being one of the best things i have ever had said to me, I told her ‘I don’t even remember, and it’s because I jerk off, Bessie. Why the fuck are you yelling at me, you sow?’ She just looked at me for awhile. Then she stormed out of my apartment spouting some incoherent mumblings. Mind you, it was still 415am.
I got up to lock the door; The other two girls were were awake and questioned what had happened. I told them not to worry about it and invited them to sleep in my bed instead of on those horribly uncomfortable sofas. So we all went back to my room – with my KY.
I think I heard someone trying to kick in my door a little after that, but I’m sure it was all a crazy dream. She called me a few times after that but I never answered.
This was the second best date story ever. Next time, ‘tooth girl’. Please submit your guess in the comments section.